Six Ways to Win Any Bar Fight

Categories: How To

Bar Fight Brawlroom

Six Ways to Win Any Bar Fight

Rule Number 1: Don’t admire your work.

So you’ve found yourself in a hairy situation at the local watering hole and you are required to save the day. As tempting as it is, don’t be Mike from Jersey Shore randomly throwing punches followed by fist pumping on the pier. Get in and get out.

Rule Number 2: Pay Attention to Your Surroundings

You could be the most Billy badass bro north of the border but when you are unaware of what is taking place around you, you open yourself up to sneak shots and those never end well. Keep yourself with a team of buddies and watch out for each other. When you find yourself an ass hair away from a shitty situation break contact and regroup. Keep a solid exit strategy in the back of your mind. When in doubt get the fuck out.

Rule Number 3: Soft Tissue

You’ve come face to face with the enemy and it’s time to close. Go for the soft tissues. This includes throat, eyes, and genitals. This is a bar fight, nothing about it is pretty. When you hit hard places like foreheads or teeth you open yourself up to busted knuckles and Billy’s nasty gum line might leave you with an infection you don’t want.

Rule Number 4: Mind Your Escalation of Force

If shit hits the fan and Billy the barroom brawler pulls a weapon, it’s time to get relief. You have a few options. When you are met with deadly intent your first priority is to redirect the weapon. Disarm your attacker and get control. Once the situation is yours to monetize, grab a weapon of opportunity. The obvious choice is an ice cold brewskie within arm’s reach. Some other desirable alternatives include a bar stool, pool cue, or even a handful of darts. Feel free to get creative.

Rule Number 5: Stay on Your Feet

The quickest way to lose any ground you’ve gained is to end up on your back. If you aren’t three sheets to the wind you should do what you must to stay standing. A powerful stance will allow you to make quick work of your opponent without all the mess.

Rule Number 6: Hone your Hero or Zero Move

 A Hero or Zero move is your final Hail Mary. This can be a tornado kick, spinning back kick, anything you can muster up at the time. If you are to this point you are going for broke, so give it all you’ve got. This one last obnoxious move will either land perfectly and you’ll be exiting the bar with your opponent’s babe on your arm, or you’ll land a zero… but you’ll look really fucking cool doing it.