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Tattoos are all the rage among millennials, and the military is no exception. Marines in particular are awfully good at getting tattoos, even though regulations against excessive tattoos have existed in the Corps for nearly a decade.
The only requirements to be included on this list are that the tattoos are bad, and the person who got the tattoo did so in the military or in relation to joining the military (as you’ll see in number 4).
1. Patriotic Spongebob
This tattoo is from a veteran who works for Grunt Style. He spent time in both the Marine Corps and the Army, so he had ample time to be exposed to some of the worst tattoo ideas on the planet before choosing Spongebob. He’d prefer to remain anonymous, although I can’t see why: Spongebob is a perfectly good tattoo to get on your ass. The salute adds an excellent patriotic touch to the heart-warming portrait.
2. Warren Zevon’s Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner
The story for this tattoo is pretty excellent:
An ambitious Lance Corporal bought a whole tattoo gun set and needed someone willing to risk his skin so I said of course. He got it done at a party at my house while we drank rum right from the jug and worried a few civilians. It’s “Roland the headless Thompson gunner” from the Warren Zevon song.
Really, you have to respect the brotherhood. Where else outside of the military would you let a totally unskilled, inexperienced, drunk guy tattoo you?
3. I don’t know what this is, honestly
This is pure genius. I can’t imagine that a Marine with this tattoo would be allowed in the Corps nowadays, but back in the wild west of the mid-2000’s, you could get away with almost anything.
If you think you don’t know what’s going on in this picture, I’ll explain it for you: actually, never mind. This picture is worth 1,000 dirty words.
4. You Delta Boys Are a Bunch of Cowboys
There are fanboys, and there are…fanboys. Apparently this cat decided he would go to the recruiting station and actually join the military. The only problem? He already had this giant Delta tattoo on his back.
For those of you unfamiliar with Chuck Norris’ work, 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta is one of several names (including Combat Applications Group and The Unit) for the nation’s premier special missions/direct action unit. Former members include badasses like Pat McNamara and Mike Pannone.
Let’s be clear, here: judging by the flag in the backgound, this kid looks like he’s about to go join the Marines. He hasn’t even been through bootcamp yet. Personally, I sincerely hope he switches to the Army, makes it all the way through boot, goes to the 75th Ranger Regiment (where Delta pulls many of their members from), tries out for CAG and makes it, all without ever telling anyone about his most excellent tattoo. Then, one day, he reveals his glorious artwork and everyone loves him.
5. Blink-182 After They Were Cool
Look, we get it: you were angsty. Everyone was. But did you really have to go and get a Blink-182 tattoo while you were in the military to show everyone? I remember what it was like to be 12 years old and listen to Enema of the State while trying to pop ollies on my Wal-Mart skateboard in my JNCO jeans, I really do. But really, this was the best you could do while on your military tattoo spree in 2009? You just kept going back to the shop, running out of ideas, and said “Fuck it, give me a tattoo from my childhood.” Yes, yes you did.
Full disclosure: that’s my tattoo.
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