Real Men Drink Wine

I married a warfighting, ISIS a*s kicking, freedom loving son of a b*tch. I married a Marine. We are both veterans that enjoy a good pub crawling, pizza eating, shot slinging night out. But I’m a girl and occasionally, I want to do sexy shit, like go to a nice restaurant and drink wine.

According to a Gallop poll, “53% of men name beer as their favorite drink, while 22% say liquor and 20% wine. Among women, 52% say they drink wine most often, while 24% say liquor and 20% beer.” I honestly think more men drink wine, but just not in “public public” and mostly only with their women. Beer is manly, the drink of the bros, and anything else on a man-date would be disrespectful. Ordering wine with your bros would most likely get your vagina checked at the door.

But I can tell you, there is nothing sexier and manlier than a guy drinking wine.

My husband and I live in Northern, Virginia; wine country to be exact. When we met, he was out of the Corps and working for the Pentagon, and I was an active duty Soldier stationed in Arlington. After showing him my love for ‘Murica and the ability to hold my liquor, he was smitten (for the Marines reading this article, he liked me). We then decided to expand our family and 9 months later, Jr. Marine was born. Now, living close to DC has its perks — lots of bars and museums and shit — but its congested and the school districts aren’t the greatest. What does this have to do with wine? Settle the f*ck down, I’m getting to it. But this is a love story about alcohol. I have to set shit up.

We ended up buying a home in Haymarket, VA. Our oldest son was now in a great high school, with a robotics program (he is a nerd and now an Airman). When we moved to Haymarket in 2009, it didn’t have night life or a Walmart (yet). It was tough looking for local things to do, especially with a fresh oxygen, energy and attention thief in tow; or babies as known to many. With personal time now limited, traveling to DC in heinous traffic and then having to circle the city like a great white shark looking for parking is not an option.

We looked for things locally to do and LaGrange Winery populated in Google. “Winery? What the f*ck is a winery? Isn’t that where chicks go to gossip and get shit-faced?” asked Sr. Marine. I replied “I don’t know, but the online pics have alcohol and kids and shit, so we are going.” It was a short 8 minute drive. We unloaded Jr and began the walk up the stone stairs. Like a seasoned Marine, hubby has me handle the kid while he scans the area and plans egress routes.

But he also notices something else, men, lots of men. Short men, tall men, young men, old men, bald men, fat men and etc. There was even a table of men only. Having keen situational awareness, I then noticed a bro-nitiation. The guys at the winery could tell he was a first timer and began making eye-contact with him. It was the weirdest and most magnificent thing I had ever seen. They were all giving him a gentle head nod to let him know his dick had not been compromised and that he was among friendlies. One guy even came over to offer him a cigar. He was hooked.

I watched as he enjoyed himself. He wasn’t chugging as usual, he was sipping and loving it. I noticed how his muscular arms came up slowly, guiding the glass of grape goodness to his sexy bearded face. His lips slightly opened as he prepared for his next swig. It was the sexiest shit I had seen in my life; a killing machine enjoying a beverage that had now been declassified.

(Enjoying our favorite reds at LaGrange)

We are now proud wine club members and occasionally get gussied up for a fine dining experience together. Yes, we still enjoy our pub crawls and vodka shots, but also now have an open relationship with wine. Men, don’t continue to sell yourselves short by not partaking. I can assure you that most of your buddies are very likely covert wine drinkers; you should join them. And like beer, wine can give you a nice buzz (it’s all in the content). Most importantly, chicks like wine and chicks love dudes that drink wine.

I have found nothing sexier than a Marine holding a glass of a wine; a beverage approved and endorsed by Jesus.

(Sr Marine proudly sharing a picture on Snapchat, now that he is out of the wine closet)

Know what we're sayin fam?

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