Oregon Gas Law
Ok, there are some things in this world that are sacred! This Oregon gas law is a big deal. How in the world do they expect us to pump our own gas? This is a complicated procedure requiring only the most skillful hands. How could those of us who are software engineers, architects, doctors, lawyers, and teachers, expertly maneuver a gas nozzle into the receptacle on our tanks?
There is a great risk to those who pump gas. You could be afflicted by such dangerous elements as the wind, germs, Decepticons, and interacting with your fellow human beings. It’s a scary thought. Don’t let the internet bring you down Oregon, we get you. We understand that your fear of transients, cold weather, and cybernetic alien lifeforms is completely and totally rational. Michael Bay doesn’t skimp on realism with his documentaries and Decepticons are a real threat, best to stay in your specially modified minivan to prevent attacks.
We haven’t even mentioned how this will affect the children. There is great risk involved when you go from two feet away from your children in the vehicle, to two feet away from your children outside of the vehicle. They could be kidnapped, eaten, transformed into cyborgs, or even cry! Seeing you outside of the vehicle will certainly require years and years of expensive therapy. Best to let professional gas pumpers handle this situation.
Mark our words. This will be worse than when they forced you all to tie your own shoes and do your own laundry. In fact, this could rival the Great Dirty Laundry Pile Up of 1965. Everywhere you went there were dirty clothes stacked as high as the eye could see. The clothing economy boomed though, instead of washing clothes, the people just purchased new garments. Several piles of clothes eventually toppled and killed three adults, one cat, one dog and a school of goldfish. This gas law will probably be at least 1.2 to 1.5 times as horrible.
This Oregon gas law is just the beginning of our long, unavoidable slip into total anarchy, just like the Roman’s when they were forced to feed their own horses. If only the rest of the country could offer some sort of relief or aid for those afflicted. Thoughts and prayers for Oregon!