Last week, our random number generator (Bill) pitted the two biggest branches against one another. Unfortunately for the Department of the Navy, it was a losing battle, despite the air superiority, they were unable to hold any of the ground they took and the Army scuttled several ships. Our advanced warfare simulation computer (Ted) took a lot of heat from angry sailors over the last week. It was not a pretty site. They took Ted out to the lake and keelhauled him using Susan’s ski boat. Not a pretty site. So Ted beseeched us to do a rematch. So we obliged. In this weeks battle, the Navy gets to use its full strength, that’s right kids, the Marine Corps is playing on the Navy side.
The Army knew they were in for a fight what with the added strength of the Marine Corps now added to the Navy’s already formidable force. The United States Marine Corps added a whole new element bringing more fighter aircraft, helicopters, and their own armor to the fray. The Army knew the only way to stop the Navy was to destroy their supply routes and hold the ports. Utilizing their superior numbers in armor the Army blitzed both east and west coast Naval installations, taking them with very little difficulty. They dug in fortifying their positions against the inevitable counterattack.
It wasn’t a question of if it would happen, but rather when. Late on the second night, the assault started. Tomahawk cruise missiles struck defensive locations as Marine Corps Air Ground Task forces attacked from both sea and land. With the Navy raining Tomahawk missiles, the Cobra’s and Hornets providing close air support for the infantry and armored units the Army was quickly unseated from their defensive positions. Marines secured and fortified the Naval Installations.
From their footholds, they pushed out conducting hit and run raids on the battered Army forces. With over the horizon support and their ports secured, the Navy/Marine Corps all but obliterated the remaining Army units. Weird, how our advanced warfare simulation computer was conducting his analysis at knifepoint via the Marines…The Department of the Navy is far and away the winner of our best branches competition, pay no heed to the knife-wielding Marines in the corner.