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New York Bans Tide Pods 4.6/5 (10)

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Can we just be done with this garbage already? The state of New York in direct opposition to Darwin has made moves to ban Tide Pods after the internet rage of eating them has taken the country by storm. New York, why would you ban these Tide Pods? We at American Grit already issued a warning telling people how stupid and ridiculously dumb they look when they eat laundry detergent. If they’re going to do it after our warning, the warning on the box, or general common sense that we shouldn’t eat shit that isn’t food, let them do it.

New York, you’re getting in the way of progress! We know in your heart you just want to protect your people, but the truth is there is no protecting the stupid. You can only delay the inevitable. In fact, sometimes by banning or warning the stupid among us, you hasten their demise. People love doing what they’re told not to do. So maybe we should get you to ban Tide Pods. Hmmm…we’ve changed our minds. Ban away, New York! Let’s see if the gene pool sorts itself out!

Tide Pod Ban

We do still find it pretty funny that a state thinks it can legislate intelligence. Are the people in the New York legislature eating Tide Pods secretly? Is there a Tide Pod epidemic among state representatives? Who’s really behind this Tide Pod ban?

We had some suspicions and did some investigating. What we found will, no doubt shock you! The kitchen cleaner Ajax (Francis) is behind this criminalization of Tide. Hoping to be the next big internet fad Ajax (Francis) has paid several New York state representatives to ram the Tide Pod Ban down folks throats, much like they were doing with the actual Tide Pods. Always follow the money folks, it’ll save us the work of doing it for you.Tide Pod Ban

STUPID CHALLENGES

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2 Comments

  1. Joe Underpants
    February 8, 2018 at 2:12 pm — Reply

    This must be satire.

    • February 8, 2018 at 2:33 pm — Reply

      Well, unfortunately, it isn’t. A cursory google search would reveal that New York does intend to ban Tide Pods.

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John Fannin

John Fannin

John spent four years as a 0351, Infantry Assaulltman in the United States Marine Corps. He deployed twice to the city of Ramadi, Iraq with 3rd Battalion 7th Marines. After leaving the Marine Corps in 2008 John pursued a degree in Kinesiology from Texas Lutheran University. During his time at TLU, John was fortunate enough to play football for a year and serve the local community as a volunteer firefighter. After graduating John worked as a personal trainer for few years before coming to work at American Grit. John is also the proud owner of a great beard.