New York Bans Tide Pods
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Can we just be done with this garbage already? The state of New York in direct opposition to Darwin has made moves to ban Tide Pods after the internet rage of eating them has taken the country by storm. New York, why would you ban these Tide Pods? We at American Grit already issued a warning telling people how stupid and ridiculously dumb they look when they eat laundry detergent. If they’re going to do it after our warning, the warning on the box, or general common sense that we shouldn’t eat shit that isn’t food, let them do it.
New York, you’re getting in the way of progress! We know in your heart you just want to protect your people, but the truth is there is no protecting the stupid. You can only delay the inevitable. In fact, sometimes by banning or warning the stupid among us, you hasten their demise. People love doing what they’re told not to do. So maybe we should get you to ban Tide Pods. Hmmm…we’ve changed our minds. Ban away, New York! Let’s see if the gene pool sorts itself out!
We do still find it pretty funny that a state thinks it can legislate intelligence. Are the people in the New York legislature eating Tide Pods secretly? Is there a Tide Pod epidemic among state representatives? Who’s really behind this Tide Pod ban?
We had some suspicions and did some investigating. What we found will, no doubt shock you! The kitchen cleaner Ajax (Francis) is behind this criminalization of Tide. Hoping to be the next big internet fad Ajax (Francis) has paid several New York state representatives to ram the Tide Pod Ban down folks throats, much like they were doing with the actual Tide Pods. Always follow the money folks, it’ll save us the work of doing it for you.