Why We Love The Air Force

We give the Air Force a lot of crap. Especially everyone here who was in a real branch…just kidding Air Force. This is actually going to be about why we love you guys. In all honestly most of the hate you probably get is from jealousy. With a mostly infantry staff comprised of soldiers and Marines, we look with bewilderment and wonder at the life that the Air Force personnel live, and we get mad. The facts are the facts and we do actually love you guys even if you make it hard to do so sometimes.

Reason number one to love the Air Force: A-10’s

Look, fighters are cool and they’ll definitely be on this list, the number one reason we love the Air Force is because of the badass close air support that A-10’s provide. When you’ve got Al-Qaedas and Talibans trying to overrun your position or execute a really shitty attack, nothing sends them scurrying like the sound we’ve all come to know and love “Brrrrrrrt”. What was that terrorists? Sorry, we can’t hear you over the sound the A-10 going hard in the paint with its 30mm GAU-8/A Avenger autocannon on your candy ass. Brrrrrrt for life!

The Air Force

Reason number two to love the Air Force: Fighter Jets

Whether it’s an F-15 or an F-22, these speed demons never cease to impress with their agility and flat-out acceleration. Not to mention the pilots of these aircraft are usually just as cocky and arrogant as the grunts in the Army and Marine Corps. Something about knowing you’re taking the fight to the enemy. We can absolutely respect and drink some Merica Bourbon to that.

The Air Force

Reason number three to love the Air Force: B-52 Stratofortress

When you just generally dislike everything in a particular grid square, who you gonna call? The B-52 of course. With the ability carry over 70,000 pounds of ordnance the B-52 says “I don’t like you, or the mountain you’re sitting on” and then ensures that both you and your mountain cease to exist. We talked a few days ago about how cool it’d be to bring battleships back cause their like, old and crotchety and mean. The B-52’s are the air equivalent and they’re still in service, whipping ass and dropping bombs.

The Air Force

Reason number four to love the Air Force: Officers Did the Fighting

With the exception and advent of PJs, the Air Force used to be the only branch in which the officers did a majority of the fighting. That’s pretty smart on the senior enlisted sides part. You know there was a meeting with all the E-8s and E-9s saying “Dudes, we should make the officers fight, while we stay back here and drink coffee.” And then the response is like “Damn, Bob, that’s a fine idea right there.” And so it was. Smooth Air Force, real smooth!

The Air Force

Reason number five to love the Air Force: Women

As knuckle dragging-pseudo neanderthal infantry types, we like women. We like pretty women even more. While each branch has it’s fair share of attractive ladies, the Air Force has some sort of weird marketing ploy that gets supermodels to enlist or commission. Per Capita the Air Force has more beautiful capable women. It’s just how it is. We LOVE the Air Force if you get our drift. But they don’t talk to us, even though we invited them out to a nice 5-Star Crayon and Glue dinner.

The Air Force

Know what we're sayin fam?

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5 thoughts on “Why We Love The Air Force”

  1. Yeah, never mind the unquestioning hagiography of the U.S. Air Force is bankrupting this nation (or haven’t you heard about the gargantuan cost overruns associated with Lockheed’s questionable F-35, into the trillions of dollars). And here in southern Nevada, the government has got to recognize there other priorities besides an endlessly vast bombing range. https://www.hcn.org/issues/50.4/military-the-air-force-wants-to-expand-into-nevadas-wild-desert

    1. Russ, while your feedback is appreciated, please note that this article was written with some humorous intent. We’re sorry that you feel this way, but maybe your state or federal representative would be a more useful avenue to address your concerns.

  2. Oh, you mean my “representatives” who do anything but represent, as they bend over backwards year in & year out to kiss the butt of the Military-Industrial Complex, and your “humorous” article which, like most, cheerfully applauds but does nothing to challenge the obscene status quo: an American military absolutely out of control, bombing every country willy-nilly that dares defy the United States. http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/politics/ct-pentagon-budget-windfall-20180209-story.html

    1. Wow, you seem really upset there Russ. We get it, really, you don’t like the way America does business. That’s your right, we support that, but we don’t agree with you. We are curious as to one thing though. When someone tells you a joke, do you go on hour long rants about how it’s not funny? You seem like a real blast at parties. Have a nice day!

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