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Worst War Movies Ever Made 2.79/5 (19)

We gave you a pretty decent list of the Best War Movies of All Time, now we will present to you the Worst War Movies Ever Made and finally get some definitive closure with regards to what Hollywood finds to be “award-winning” caliber war movies…

Number one on the all-time worst war movies ever made, without a shadow of a doubt, The Hurt Locker. How so much went wrong so quickly remains a mystery to us. For instance, we always start our day grabbing a handful of 155mm artillery shells that are all linked together. It’s what really get’s us going on those slow groggy mornings. We’re sure Kathryn Bigelow is an extremely talented director, well we’re not quite sure. This movie deserves to be hazed in the gas chamber in MOPP 4 for being such an abomination. How folks in Hollywood place Saving Private Ryan and The Hurt Locker in the same category make us want to eat sand.

Worst War Movies Ever Made
Some people got an awful lot of awards, but no common sense.

Number two on our list of “What the ever living-F***, were they thinking?” You know it, you love it, Basic, with Samuel L. Jackson, if for nothing else other than the amazing Woolly Pully poncho/cape combination. We love us some Samuel L. Jackson, cause he uses our favorite word over and over, but this movie was just…awful. Unless you know absolutely nothing about the military. Then it get’s like a C+…

Worst War Movies Ever Made
With all these different ranks and tabs combined, I am Super Soldier!

Rounding out number three on our list. Jarhead. There is so much to say about how bad Jarhead was whether its the abandonment on the battlefield, the celebratory fire around a bonfire…We just, we have almost literally no words to tell you how bad this movie is. Watch Generation Kill instead.

Worst War Movies Ever Made
It’s hot, the Marine Corps was a bad choice!

Number four on the movies we all love to hate. Pearl Harbor. How are you going to put a Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale love triangle in the middle of one of the most significant events of the 20th century and have it overshadow the event itself? That’s just wrong on so many levels. The movie had one bright spot, we could’ve watched Cuba Gooding Jr.’s portrayal of Doris Miller all damn day!

Worst War Movies Ever Made
Looking for someone to give this movie a positive review

The fifth and final movie that is just atrocious Battle of the Bulge. “Hey Jim, what’s that coming for us, a German Tiger Tank?” “No Bob, that’s an M47 Patton.” How are you going to use a tank, named after a general that actually fought in this battle…and put it on the opposing side? Why? Makes us wonder what kind of military advisors they get on set. “Abrams or Panzer? Same difference, totally interchangeable.”

Worst War Movies Ever Made
Those Tiger I’s sure look a lot like the M47 Patton Tank…

 

We suggest you check out the Best War Movies of All Time, lest you be induced into a 90-180 minute cringe session.

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5 Comments

  1. Maggie
    March 6, 2018 at 10:27 pm — Reply

    You forgot “Redacted” that god awful movie directed by Brian DePalma that got two American Airmen killed and two more disabled.

    • John Fannin
      March 7, 2018 at 7:45 am — Reply

      We don’t even like to mention that film it’s so horrible.

  2. March 9, 2018 at 3:10 pm — Reply

    Cut out all the love scenes in Pearl Harbor you still have a hokie movie!. Tora, Tora, Tora, was a much better version of the Pearl Harbor attack.

  3. preembargo
    March 10, 2018 at 12:50 am — Reply

    Battleship didn’t make the list?!?

    • John Fannin
      March 12, 2018 at 7:03 am — Reply

      No, we have a weird love affair with battleships, so anytime they get featured, we lose all common sense.

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John Fannin

John Fannin

John spent four years as a 0351, Infantry Assaulltman in the United States Marine Corps. He deployed twice to the city of Ramadi, Iraq with 3rd Battalion 7th Marines. After leaving the Marine Corps in 2008 John pursued a degree in Kinesiology from Texas Lutheran University. During his time at TLU, John was fortunate enough to play football for a year and serve the local community as a volunteer firefighter. After graduating John worked as a personal trainer for few years before coming to work at American Grit. John is also the proud owner of a great beard.