Breaking News: Fourth of July Plot Foiled
Oh, silly Al-Qaeda wanna-be trying to plot a bomb attack on the Fourth of July. Don’t you know the NSA and FBI and CIA and basically everyone can see what you do on the internet? And you’re still gonna go around proclaiming your allegiance to Al-Qaeda and trying to start shit on one of our favorite holidays. Dude, you’re not a very good terrorist and it’s no wonder you got caught.
Demetrius Pitts stated to an undercover FBI agent “I’m trying to figure out something that would shake them up on the 4th of July.”
Let’s recap where you messed up at. Mr. Pitts had already done some time and been on the radar for law enforcement officials. Then in 2017, he started talking about how he was gonna go overseas and get some terrorist summer camp training, then come back here and try to do some dastardly deeds. He talked about this stuff on Facebook and sent messages to a local TV station.
This is 2018, you don’t think people are gonna find you? Of course, you’re gonna get found and yes, they are totally going to arrest the hell out of you.
See folks this is the reason why America is going to win against terrorism. Not because our military is super duper great and making the green grass grow (which they are, don’t get it confused). No, we’re going to win because terrorists are apparently as dumb as a football bat.
For as “smart” as they say they are, these guys really haven’t figured out that anything that you say on the “internets” is going to be read by your neighborhood friendly NSA agent (we’ve given ours a name, we think his name is Todd. Hi Todd!!)
We’re just glad that this went down without an altercation and the good people of Cleveland can live their Fourth of July in peace, burning their Lebron jerseys for the second time.
Stellar job by the local FBI office in ensuring this plot did not get any further.