Marine Corps Reinstated
Oh what a glorious feeling, oh what a glorious day, we’ve got a glorious feeling slayin’ bodies all the way! Do you know what’s great about being a Marine aside from everything? We have two birthdays. It’s a lot like second breakfast except it’s more like “second get drunk and party day”. On July 11th, 1798 the United States Marine Corps was reinstated after being disbanded after the Revolutionary War. BOOOOOOOO! No disbanding the Marine Corps! What on Earth could they have been thinking? We know they weren’t drinking. Because drinking men always think the Marine Corps is always a good idea.
Why did we come back? Because we needed to fight the Quasi-War with France. The Navy had been resuscitated and they needed some hard-ass dudes to slay bodies on board ship. So even though our birthday is technically November 10th, July 11th is the day we made our comeback. In our first comeback battle, Presley O’Bannon traveled to Tripoli and started wrecking shop on the Barbary Pirates. This was just our warmup for the War of 1812 or as we like to call it, “The War Because They Didn’t Learn Their Damn Lesson The First Time”
Since then (like before in the Revolutionary War) we’ve been slayin’ bodies from the Bahamas to Helmand province and everything in between. From Archibald Henderson all the way up to CHAOS Actual himself (The Lord of War/Secretary of Defense, we prefer the first name though) James Mattis.
Happy other Birthday Marines! This is literally the greatest thing ever because now we have another day to request off work for our drunken debauchery and of course to practice our warfighting skills, duh.
We’d tell you to be safe, but if you wanted to be safe you would like, joined one of those other lesser branches…no names. Celebrate appropriately and with great fervor.