Hello to all of our wonderful readers out there. We’d like to take a moment and appreciate you guys for being smart because you are. You recognize things that are real and things that don’t exist.
However since other news agencies don’t always know what is real and what is just a buzzword to evoke a visceral emotional reaction, we’d like to give you a list of things that don’t exist. These things are blatantly obvious to us, but to some of your friends, or news reporters, may not be quite as obvious. Afterall, we’re here to help!
Spiderman (after Infinity War).
Antartica ice walls surrounding a flat Earth.
Assault Revolvers with high capacity magazines.
Sniper Machine Gun Bump Stock.
David Wolfe’s medical knowledge.
A Cleveland Browns team that can win the Super Bowl in the next 100 years.
Pluto as a planet.
We realize that some of you might think some of these could exist, but the truth is they don’t, continuing on.
Cleveland Cavaliers fans happy with Lebron James.
An easy going Mel Gibson.
High Capacity Magazine Assault Clips.
A tall Tom Cruise.
Leonardo Di Caprio with an Oscar.
An ugly Betty White.
2nd Lieutenants who don’t get lost.
Navy SEAL Delta Ranger Sniper EOD Technician Force MARSOC Operators.
That should about wrap it up, folks. Make sure that if you see the words assault in front of anything outside of the military actually assaulting a position or our long forgotten assaultmen, or the charge of assault, or assault and battery, it’s most likely a buzzword designed to affect those without brains as large or high functioning as yours. These are all things that don’t exist, along with a good episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Enjoy your internet travels and remember to always proforead.