Plasma Gun Cannon Thing

Finally. A plasma gun cannon!! Shit, we’ve been waiting for some space-age laser plasma technology like this for the longest damn time and now we get it! A Plasma-Laser-Gun. Hell to the mofo yes!! We can hardly contain our excitement as we’re hoping to get one to blast the pigeons and crows from the trees that overlook our parking lot. Bet they’ll stop shitting on my truck then, assholes.

So this new ray gun is actually supposed to be less than lethal and we’ve actually…kinda tried it before, but that pesky Geneva convention got in the way. However the DoD is trying to get their hands on the Scalable Compact Ultra-short Pulse Laser System, it’s acronym is about as nerdy sounding as this gun is awesome, SCUPLS.

While it is…intended for less than lethal purposes, it is reported that this bad boy can vaporize, not burn the top layer of skin. It is important that this distinction is made. Vaporize means turn into vapor, burn means your skin stays on you and it’s all black and crispy, this vaporizes the top layer of skin. It has several other effects as well, but well…they aren’t nearly as cool as vaporizing skin. Those pigeons and crows are going to be straight f***ed if we can just convince the finance department that we need…like two or three of these.

There isn’t really an MSRP listed for the price point on these skin vaporizing plasma gun cannons, but we’re sure they can’t be cheap. The prior iteration of these types of weapons was a laser that could blind people and well…the Geneva convention kinda gets pissed when you maim an enemy fighter but don’t kill him. Wounding and killing cool, maiming and whatnot, apparently not cool.

So the last point we want to make…if you continue to point it at the vaporize skin setting (the highest setting) and leave it on someone for a period of time…we’re putting our money in to say that guy would most definitely die and die a very extremely painful agonizing skin vaporizing death. Also…sadly no images could be found so…we used a picture of a “laser” weapon.

F***ing birds.

 

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