Man Jumps Into Crocodile Pool

In the latest from “No f***ing shit” news, a Florida man was bitten when he jumped in the crocodile enclosure at a Florida zoo park. Can we just take a moment right quick…Florida what the hell is up with you guys? Why are you always doing weird shit like bath salts, getting gigantic ass pythons or cobras and other exotic animals, fighting alligators, using fans to blow the hurricanes away? Seriously Florida, chill out we get it, you’re extreme. Your homebody that we’re about to talk about decided that it’d be a good idea to get in the pond/pool with crocodiles and have a go.

It did not go well for the representative of the bipedal species.

Homeboy was standing in line at the snack bar at the St. Augustine Alligator Farm Zoological Park when he thought to himself: “Man, I like snacks, but I wonder what it’s like to be a snack. I think I’ll find out!”

So our intrepid Floridian hopped up on top of the exhibits Egyptian themed architecture around the Nile Crocodile exhibit and took the plunge. What a delightful time he had as one of the mean ol’ crocodiles bit the ever living shit out of his leg. He had finally answered the question he had pondered only minutes before while standing in the snack line.

What was it like to be a snack? It f***ing hurt and oh my god there is so much blood!

Crocodile

Somehow with skills honed in the Everglades and hurricane after hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, our human “snack” somehow managed to climb up and out of the exhibit despite the profuse bleeding. Upon leaving the exhibit, he was promptly met by law enforcement officials.

Wow! We did not see that happening! (sarcasm)

He was promptly arrested by those very same law enforcement officials. While we doubt his incursion into the crocodile pool is worthy of federal prison time, if he spends any time in a cell, he will more than likely find out what it means to be a snack all over again!

Also in case you wondered, the crocodiles were unharmed because…well it’s a bunch of f***ing crocodiles, mind you not crocodiles that were participating in coitus.

 

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