Christmas Gifts You Should Not Get
While many people got their Christmas shopping done on Black Friday and today during Cyber Monday, some of you will still wait till the last moment to get gifts for your loved ones. We too procrastinate and do so because it has not once ever bit us in the ass. We work well under the pressure and always get the best gifts.
For those of you who don’t, who maybe are at risk of getting shitty gifts for your loved ones, we decided that we would help by putting together a list of things you should definitely not get for those you say you love and care about. This list doubles as a list of things you should get for the people in your life who you don’t really like or love that much.
For the avid gun owner in your life, do not get him a Hi-Point. No, it doesn’t matter that it’s affordable and made in America. This gift might actually save a life because the attacker is so incapacitated from laughter.
For the woman in your life, do not get anything that insinuates that she is either fat or needs to cook/clean more. It will end so devastatingly bad for you. So horribly bad that you will most likely be Christmas shopping for someone new next year.
For the child in your life, do not get them a sword, it seems like a good idea, we know. A four-foot six-inch ball of terror with a Scottish Claymore seems really entertaining in your brain, but trust us, it will not go over well with at least one of the child’s parents.
For anyone in your life, do not get Jeppson’s Malört…check that, only get this liquor for the people for whom you feel Hell is not a big enough punishment. Maybe don’t even get it for people you hate, we’re not quite sure anyone deserves this type of punishment.