Startling Discoveries by the VA

Categories: Funny, Military, News, Satire

Recently, the Marine Corps Times reported that the VA (Department of Veterans Affairs) had spent a significant amount of time and money on a study that revealed the startling scientific fact that daily drinking (of alcohol) is unhealthy. We had no idea! GASP! We thought it was normal to have a few shots of Tequila before lunch followed by a couple of brewskis in the afternoon and then heading to bed after a bottle or two of wine.

If it wasn’t for the VA we’d still be living paycheck to paycheck with all the booze we’ve been buying, thinking that drinking each and every day was good for us. Truth be told we only thought we were working out our liver. Making it stronger over time…guess we were wrong there.

The VA, wise as they are have also spent years and tons of cash researching other important topics that keep us safe and healthy. We have the results from a few more of their studies to share with you all today.

Bullet wounds are hazardous to your health
Getting run over several times by a vehicle is bad for you
Heroin users could have an addiction problem (more research needed)
At nighttime, there is less light
Heavy things are difficult to pick up
Coffee contains caffeine
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend
The Earth is indeed the third planet from the Sun

We’re not quite sure why the VA was investigating many of these, but hey, we’re sure as hell glad they did. If not for them we’d be wandering around full of bullet holes, getting hit by cars while riding the dragon, dropping live grenades all over the place.

In these uncertain times, we thank the VA for ensuring that those who would normally be culled if there were a sudden shortage of warning labels are still here living among us…conducting important research.