Taliban Calls Off Peace Talks

What? No way! Guys, please believe our incredulous attitude as nothing less than sincere and totally not sarcastic…just kidding. We can’t keep you all fooled for long! The Taliban has called off peace talks with the United States because of and we’re quoting “agenda differences”. The Taliban doesn’t want to play nice with the current Afghani government. That’s the long and short of it really, but if you like our brand of shit talking, keep reading.

So you mean to tell us, that the people who prevent women from getting an education, driving, getting jobs, painting their nails, who promote child marriage and have committed a dumpster fire sized load more human rights abuses have a different agenda than we in the West have? No way! Color us shocked, shocked we tell you to find out that the people who harbored Osama Bin Laden and set up an oppressive theocratic regime don’t want to come to the table and play nice.

You know, there was once upon a time a solution to these Taliban guys. Way back before the history of the world, so like…for any millennials reading this (think more MySpace and less Facebook) in 2001, we embarked on a journey to Afghanistan to get vengeance for the events that took place on the 11th of September that same year. Our goal then was very simple.

Kill everyone who wanted to f**k around per se. We did that really well for a while. Then folks were like “Whoa we gotta build a nation,” and so then they made warriors into pseudo construction/public relations dudes. Boooooooooo. Boooooooo. Make the military violent again!

While we still killed the Taliban a whole bunch, we weren’t quite killing them the same as we were before we decided we needed to build “Afghanistanland”.

So now we’re left with this quagmire of wanting to leave and wanting peace, but the Taliban, because they still exist, getting a say in the matter.

If you ask this brash and brazen former Lance Corporal, we should have killed them all and THEN after killing them all, built a nation in peace. But…you know…whatever. It’s not like it’d be easier to build a nation with people NOT shooting at you or trying to blow you up.

 

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