Soldiers Destroy JLTV, Marines Claim They Can Do It Faster
Categories: Funny, Military, News, Satire
The soldiers who were lucky enough to get the JLTV or the Joint Light Tactical Vehicle have wrecked it after only four days. The JLTV is meant to replace the Humvee as the primary utility vehicle for the United States armed forces. The Army, as always gets all the new tech first and subsequently is the branch that usually makes history with new equipment.
That all being said, the Marine Corps has issued a statement after hearing of the accident stating that they could break the new JLTV much faster.
“Four days? Hell, they must have been taking it easy,” said Director of Procurement for the United States Marine Corps Major General Ralph W.R. Eckitt.
Major General Eckitt went on to exclaim proudly, “I personally know of one Lance Corporal who would have rolled that JLTV in less than 15 seconds!”
The United States Army and the United States Marine Corps have a proud history of one-upping each other, especially in the infantry fields. The rivalry has never been settled and even when the Marine Corps gets the JLTV, the Army will claim that they had time to study how their driver flipped it, so any attempts by the Marine Corps to break their record will be null and void.
“I tell you what, let us get some of the new gear first for a change instead of giving us humvees left over from the War of 1812,” exclaimed the obviously annoyed General, he continued, “We don’t even get a fair shake at breaking shit and setting records! It’s unsatisfactory is what it is!”
Luckily nobody was hurt in the accident, which got Major General Eckitt even more upset.
“If the Marine Corps were to wreck the JLTV, we’d have at least four Marines in the hospital! It’d behoove the Army to stop half-assing their demolition derby and do it right or the Marine Corps will formally request to take the lead on all new equipment deliveries.”
It’s always been ironic, considering the Marines are “First to Fight”, and except for Army Rangers and some Special Forces units, we just flat out are better war fighters, as history shows. But we get the dregs, the left-overs, always second in line for fighting gear. I guess that’s intended to make us even tougher. So be it. Do more with less… Semper Fi!
Actually. The only reason Marines are the “first to fight” is they are controlled by the president; as where the Army is controlled by Congress. If POTUS wants something done without beaurocracy, he sends in jar heads. All poking aside, we wind up embracing the same suck. Hooah brother!
General Ralph W.R. Eckitt RALPH WRECK IT kinda fitting no? LoL
It’s satire and done on purpose.
ROTFLMAO.
SEMPER FIDELIS TILL VALHALLA.
MY CORPS!!!!
That’s friggin awesome
As a former Marine and current OPNET instructor for the JLTV. This truck is built to protect the warfighter. The Marines would be hard pressed to get injured in this truck. This is not what we teach.
Jokes are like food in Soviet Russia, not everyone gets it.
Real smooth, anyone with children or an IQ above 70 (border line mentally disabled) should have caught the ” wreck it Ralph ” name drop. GO NAVY!
Oorah! Semper Fi!
Being a former Marine, I agree ,give us the new stuff for a few years and we would have shown you how well it was made ,won’t be sitting on a desk or hanging on a wall all shiny and new.
We can do it better and faster, yeah we get the leftovers because the Army is afraid if we get the new stuff we would be unstoppable SFMF
Br
eak shit the proper way in record time
Very proud of the marines,givem hell
SEMPER FI MARINE CORPS from an U.S. Army Infantry Combat Soldier.
Ha! The Marines couldn’t even get their own true branch. Even their emblem says Department of the Navy. “Yeah, the MENS department,” right? Still just a department, riding “semens vessels.” The only thing they do better is brainwashing.. not hard when you swallow as much salt water and “tadpoles” as they do! HOOAH, Motherfucker.
Show us on the doll where the Marine Corps hurt you.
😂😂😂😂
Ohhh Rah!!