Things We Did That Command Hated

Categories: Funny, Military

Look, if you’re going to give 18-22 year olds unbridled power via rifles, heavy machine guns, high explosives, and shit and let them loose on a country there are going to be some…possible lines crossed that the senior enlisted and officer corps don’t really enjoy. A few things that we did during our time in that got us disgruntled looks will be listed below. Both in country and CONUS, we do believe we had a great time.

Best not read on if you’re sensitive and you snitch on your friends like someone who needs stitches if you catch our drift. If you want to be on the good side with command, you might not want to do some of these things. But your command might be cool and love you if you do these things. It’s really a 50/50 toss up gents.

  1. Refer to a meeting with local tribal elders as “Happy Murder Time.”
  2. Share pork chops with Afghan police and tell them it’s chicken.
  3. Date the Battalion Commander’s daughter.
  4. Use common sense and critical thinking skills to solve problems.
  5. Remind your platoon mates that snitches get stitches.
  6. Exist
  7. Tell them these are your “field cammies”
  8. Ask your Lt. why we can’t just smoke these detainees.
  9. Pass out drunk in the XO’s front yard…naked…again.
  10. Make fun of the shit bread they ate…literally shit bread…they made bread using shit.
  11. Always offer your left hand to shake the Sheiks’ hand.
  12. Shit on the side of a house while the owner watches at 0300 while on patrol
  13. Stash some opium to sell when we get back home
  14. Steal the golf cart from hotel security at the Marine Corps ball and give Marines rides to and from the hotel to downtown San Diego
  15. Set a hotel on fire while at a birthday ball and subsequently get the entire battalion banned from Las Vegas.
  16. Get shit ass drunk the night before the battalion run

Some of these are real, some of these are fake. We’ll leave it up to you to figure out which ones are which, and you can leave us a comment of something you did that command hated.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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