FBI Gains Access To DNA Home Test Kit

Categories: News

Well…this won’t end poorly now will it? FamilyTreeDNA has confirmed that they are working closely with the FBI and local law enforcement, letting them snoop and poop around their entire genealogy database. We know we write some satire at times, but this sadly is 100% true. While we definitely want crimes to be solved, there is this cool little thing called the 5th amendment where you’re protected from implicating yourself and warrants. Warrants, the 5th amendment, and probable cause all of that jazz…innocent until proven guilty you know, that old chestnut.

For all those times that you don’t read the one hundred million page long Terms and Conditions and End User License Agreement, you might want to start taking some PTO days so that you can ensure that you’re safe, before you try and find out if you can get a few privileges because you’re 1/17680th of whatever happens to be the marginalized group of the time.

While the FBI has been pouring over any and all available public databases for DNA FamilyTreeDNA is the first privately owned company allowing them access.

We know the old adage goes that if you have nothing to hide you shouldn’t be afraid, but remember the opposite is true as well; if you have nothing to hide, then why are they snooping?

Truth be told at the end of the day as shocking as this may be and as much as we see this going south really fast, we’re not entirely sure that it’s going to be that big of a deal, it’s not like serial killers are sending off for home DNA test kits saying;

“Gee man I really hope I have a Nordic ancestor so I can justify all my pillaging and murder!”

We’re not trying to embolden criminals here, but like…if you murder folks…don’t send off for a home DNA test kit. If you do, you kind of deserve to be caught for being literally that damn f***ing stupid.

 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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9 thoughts on “FBI Gains Access To DNA Home Test Kit”

  1. Not necessarily a bad thing NOW, but like all things innocent in the beginning, it will find someone with bad intentions, or with good intentions that go bad, if that makes sense. Bottom line is, why give free info to anyone who could misuse it, after all, you don’t flaunt your social security number for anyone to view, or do you? Id chips, DNA, retinal scans, facial recognition, they are all helpful, but are all subject to misuse as well. China is now scoring people based on the way they spend, stay out of trouble, etc. At what point does a government start using these findings to sort out undesirables for termination? Can’t happen here some will say… they said that in many areas around the world, usually socialist dictator led countries, only to find out they were wrong. I say, don’t volunteer anything you don’t have to, but maybe it’s too late to stop the NSA from snooping on its own people. A bit Orwellian sounding, but these very forms of personal identifications were foretold in the big brother book 1984. While I have no intention of ever committing a crime, what’s to say something legal now, won’t be a crime in the near future?

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    2. Let’s not forget about the guy who was arrested because a distant cousin got one of those kits.
      The FBI pinged a match to the suspect’s DNA through the kit done by a family member, and they tracked it back to the dude and arrested him.
      So the better advice would be: if you run around killing folks, maybe think about adding any ancestry-curious family members to your ‘hit-list’…

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  2. But that is exactly the thing when you realize that the FBI may not be looking for the specific DNA strand of a serial killer what they can do is reduce the probability of arresting the wrong person by matching similar DNA profiles of family members who may have submitted and track the person down that way

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  3. They are not so much looking for criminals, but if a suspect’s DNA is close to the DNA of someone who tested their own, THAT person may be able to help ID the suspect. DNA is a much broader tool now than it ever was. It can even determine what a person might look like! I understand that it’s scary, but so are the times we’re living in.

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  4. If FBI has no suspects but DNA and Family Tree has DNA of a relative, they can come one step closer to finding suspect.

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