Captured War Dog, Colonel, Fights Back

Categories: Funny, Military, News, Satire

Many of you have been seeing the story of the Belgian Malinois, known as Colonel, who was captured by Taliban fighters in Afghanistan, pop up on your news feed. While the reporting on the story is accurate, it has left out a few important details.

See they do indeed keep the dog around for propaganda and what not, despite…despite Colonel biting the dick off of any Taliban that comes close enough for Colonel to attack. It’s become hard sledding for this band of Taliban marauders as each time they go to feed Colonel what they call a nice, human style meal, Colonel, still fighting back, bites the dick off of whoever is carrying his food. He then spits it out because, well, who would want Taliban dick? Nobody. That’s who and that’s why Colonel bites theirs off. He realizes even these subhuman pieces of garbage don’t want to reproduce on a subconscious level and so, doing everyone a favor, he bites their dicks off.

They’ve tried to make Colonel find things for them time and time again, trying to use the military working dog to their advantage, but each time he leads them to a nest of Saw-Scaled Vipers which then, in turn, bite their Taliban dicks. They amputate almost immediately to stop the venom from killing them, but it is in vain. There they die, dickless in the Afghan desert. All the while Colonel is chasing his tail at a safe distance…since he already bit the dick off of the Talib f***stick currently holding his leash.

We hope for the return of Colonel soon, but we encourage him to continue to resist like any good warrior. Maybe one day he’ll be lucky enough to be adopted by the man who choked a cougar to death while on a run…That’d be a pretty dope combo.

Fight the good fight Colonel, keep biting the dicks off of those sacks of shit, maybe you can even re-enlist over the dickless corpse of a Taliban you maimed, after all, it isn’t a war crime.

 

 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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