Grunt Surprises Everyone By Reading a Book

Categories: Funny, Military, Satire

A grunt read a book! Granted the book was meant for 5th graders, but the soldier made headlines nonetheless. Usually, infantrymen from both the Marine Corps and Army are considered…less than stellar intellectually and while many grunts know this to not be the case, this is the first documented video occurrence of a grunt actually reading a book without any prompts.

Several grunts spoke up to voice their displeasure, but they were ignored by major news outlets, however, we are not a major news outlet, and we look to talk to anyone who will give us the time of day.

“I don’t get it, it’s a book for 5th graders, I have a Ph.D. from MIT in mechanical engineering, but our unit’s moron reads a book for 5th graders and he’s a hero? It makes zero sense.”

Other grunts from the Marine Corps came forward as well, voicing their displeasure with the fame this one soldier got for reading such a simple book.

“I was a published researcher in Marine Biology before I became a Marine! Grunts aren’t dumb, we just like shooting bad guys. Is that such a crime?”

While the vast majority of grunts came forward throwing their degrees and published research papers in various STEM fields at the offices of the reporting agencies. The discord soon grew into a full-blown protest with the grunts from both services chanting,

“We’re not dumb, we just want to kill someone!”

Meanwhile, at the Pentagon, several senior level staff advisors to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs were seen yucking it up at the water cooler. We overheard one of them say

“See, I told you I could get the grunts from the Marine Corps and Army to come together for a common cause.”

Then they laughed and laughed and laughed…meanwhile the reporters who published the original story were afraid for their lives as the grunts did indeed want to kill someone.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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