Russian TV Posts Target List On TV (Satire)

Categories: Funny, Military, News, Satire

Amid President Putin’s comments about the United States deploying missiles to Europe, the Russian state-sponsored television posted an…interesting target list that had many people scratching their heads. We saw the list as well for those of you who didn’t see it, we’re going to post in here, for you, in all of its misinformed glory. The top five targets for Russia…oh boy.

Now, once we do this, we’re going to need everyone to evacuate to a safe location as to not be within the blast radius. We’ll go from the most important target down to the least important. Just so you know.

1. 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Croydon Pennsylvania…
Oh Russia, how cute…

2. The Pentagram
We don’t think you want to like…nuke Satan broskies.

3. White Castle…
Um…do you think we call it a castle…you Commies are weird.

4. Areola 51
We get that translations may slightly be off in their weird alphabet…but just why man, why?

5. Gillette Stadium (home of the Patriot Missile Defense Systems..according to Russia)
You know what…go ahead with this one, kinda tired of those darn “Patriot missiles” anyways.

If any of you happen to find yourself at these targeted locations or within you know like 20 miles…get away from there, like now. Obviously, Russia has done their homework and they know exactly where to hit us and where we are the most vulnerable. Hell, Areola 51 is a very sensitive place. Luckily like most men, they haven’t found the place where we keep our MOST sensitive technology…the sole guardian of which is a little man in a boat, but he is very powerful…if found he can shake the foundations of at least a queen-sized bed.

Stay tuned for more information as we get it from Russia’s obviously super talented and very thorough intelligence network. Guess they got us on the ropes for this one.

 

 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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