Scientists Are Putting Human Genes In Monkeys

Why? To make them smarter. Yes, scientists are inserting human genes into monkeys in order to make them smarter. Ok…like c’mon man, have we not learned our lesson here? We’ve got potential AI weapons that could become self-aware, now we’re adding a whole Planet of the Apes scenario to the mix as well. You’ve got to be shitting us. We’re all about science, we want our flying cars, we want cures to cancer, we want to colonize Mars or some other planet. We want to have friggin’ laser beams…but at what cost…

Is this measure really worth it? Are we studying how inserting genes into the monkeys can cure brain diseases like Alzheimers and Dementia? Or are we just doing this to see if we f***ing can? Granted the research took place in China and well…as of right now those f***in guys are not to be trusted. So we’re guessing they did it just because they f***ing can.

The test was successful though so…maybe it was worth it.

Look, we’re not really sure either way, our job is to tell you guys what’s going on in the world, not to decipher the ethical implications of injecting monkeys with human genes. But…since we do what we want…we think it’s pretty messed up that these dudes are injecting monkeys with human genes. What if the monkeys turn into Commies because they got Commie DNA in them? We’re obviously going to have to fight these monkeys at some point and quite frankly, we’re not worried about dying, but we don’t want to smell like monkey poop.

Scientists from rational thinking non-Communist countries have quickly decried the testing as ethically questionable and not at all appropriate.

“The use of transgenic monkeys to study human genes linked to brain evolution is a very risky road to take.” – James Sikela Ph.D., Geneticist

But you know how China rolls, trying to start WW3 over a tiny island.

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