Why the Marine Corps is Unstoppable (Revised)

Categories: Funny, Military

Truth is stranger than fiction. There are tons of military news and informational websites that promise to tell you the top 10 or top 5 or whatever reasons that this or that branch of service is totally kick ass and should be your choice when it comes to enlisting or cheering on during internet arguments about who reigns supreme. Many of whom are run by former military members, veterans if you so choose to call them and so I won’t besmirch their names here, but…they kind of hide the facts a little bit when it comes down to it.

For instance, someone wrote a piece about why the Marine Corps is unstoppable. They listed weapons systems that the Marine Corps employs. I mean, that’s cool and all we all enjoy our toys. Like, who doesn’t, these guys gave my 19-year-old ass C-4 and taught me how to use it in a variety of violent ways. So mad props to the Marine Corps for that trust, however foolhardy it may have been. The truth is though, weapon systems don’t make the branch or the fighter. It’s up the to individual…so how does the Marine Corps prepare the individual warfighter?

Hazing. Lots and lots and lots and lots of hazing. And bar fights. And drinking. Then more bar fights and more hazing. And that’s not even the official training. That shit takes place on the weekends.

Then during the week, a whole lot of cleaning weapons and performing preventive maintenance on vehicles. Then there is the cleaning of your room whilst a drunk NCO or Fire Team Leader inspects it. There will be something wrong every single time.

Add all of that up, what do you have…

A group of belligerent assholes who love to fight and drink, who can put up with inordinate amounts of petty stupid bullshit and accomplish dumb goals and THEN you deprive them of alcohol, the one thing that makes them happy, and tell them that a group of other dudes wants to fight. Remind us what war is again…fighting, inordinate amounts of petty stupid bullshit with a bunch of seemingly dumb goals…no alcohol (officially).

That’s why the Marine Corps is unstoppable. You have literally created a large group of rage monsters that can somewhat, loosely control their rage, but loses their shit when they don’t get their “candy”.

It’s like fighting a monkey on meth who will literally beat you to death with your own weapon, circa Cliff Wooldridge (3rd Battalion 7th Marines) and quite possibly fling feces at you. That’s why. That’s the truth.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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5 thoughts on “Why the Marine Corps is Unstoppable (Revised)

  1. Simply put, we ARE chaos! We’re forced fed shit to the point of spitting fire, all by design. I’ve had army personnel ask what branch I served in, more often than not they’ve said “I’m sorry man”! You fuckers are crazy! My response is “thank you” with slotted eyes and a shit eating grin. SFMF!

  2. I couldn’t stop laughing after the sentence, “Something is wrong every single time”! Lmao
    Yep, sums it up!

  3. Thankyou for this. I read the other article and started drinking and scribbling on my walls in crayola like a possessed person in a horror flick.