North Korea’s New Weapon

Categories: Military, News

North Korea shot off a missile yesterday. It wasn’t detected by U.S. Strategic Command or U.S. Northern Command. Therefore, they shot off a really small missile, if they shot off one at all. We’re only getting reports of them shooting off this missile from the state-sponsored Korean Central News Agency ( KCNA). So obviously it’s totally legit and super believable.

According to, again, the KCNA, it was a really impressive and significant test. A weapon the likes of which had significantly increased the combat power of “best Korea” (they actually aren’t best Korea, we all know the title of ‘Best Korea’ goes to South Korea, not the North). The Hermit Kingdom as it’s known was very adamant about how awesome the new weapon was, Kim Jong Un even went so far as to say…“very weighty significance in increasing the combat power.”

So…let’s get this straight. It’s short in range, nobody reported any explosions with it’s “powerful warhead,” and it greatly increased the combat power of North Korea…we know that only a Sith deals in absolutes, but is it fair of us to say we don’t believe the KCNA, like not even in the least bit? We’re not saying we don’t believe they launched something, we’re sure someone somewhere in the country at least threw a rock or something (see what we did there), but a weapon that significantly increased their combat power…doubtful.

In our mind, it played out like this.

North Korea: We have a brand new weapon that significantly increased our combat power!!!

U.S. Strategic Command: We didn’t see anything on our sensors.

U.S. Northern Command: Yeah we didn’t detect shit either.

North Korea: Yeah well we did and it was super powerful! You’ll see! You’ll all SEE!!!

World: *smug and skeptical* Did you though? And will we?

North Korea: Yes!

North Korea:……no…we lied. 

World: Noooooooo shit.


Know what we're sayin fam?

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