What To Do About Gun Grabbers

Categories: Events, Military, News

What do you do with gun grabbers? Well, may we remind you all that there were a group of individuals on this day, many many many many years ago that actually decided, consequences be damned, that if someone tried to take their arms they’d fight back? We all know what happened that fateful day, but in case you don’t…

The British were on their way to seize a cache of armaments, rifles and such, owned by the people of the town’s militia (the citizens, not the governor’s private army) and they got interrupted by a bunch of dudes with ill intent for any that should rob them of their weaponry.

Well, the British came upon the militiamen and yelled out “Throw down your arms! Ye villains, ye rebels.”

Now, today, it might not seem like a big insult to be called a villain. In fact, if we were to be called villains today, we’d probably not even care. It’s not that big of a deal, but in 1775 being called a villain was a pretty heinous insult. It was not taken lightly and brushed off.

Anyways, despite the fact that nobody really knows who fired the first shot at Lexington, we bet it was some salty militiaman who was like “Call me a villain, and a rebel, aw hell to the naw, hell to the naw naw naw.” Again…we’re guessing because there is no actual evidence of who fired first. After the initial volley by the 700 British troops which claimed the lives of 8 militiamen…wait a minute…

You had 700 dudes, probably not all of them fired, but like at least probably like 100-200 of them fired right? Had to be something like that and you only killed 8 militiamen out of the 77 that had gathered…what a bunch of nonshooting asshats. Before you get all riled up, because we know you love to, it’s a joke. We’re making fun of the British with hyperbole, calm your internet indignation down a smidge.

Continuing where we left off, after this little skirmish, the British continued on to Concord, where they set the weapons they found on fire. The citizens/militiamen of Concord feared the whole town would be torched, so they went hard in the paint with no restraint towards the contingent of British soldiers guarding the northern bridge. Upon seeing the militiamen, the British fired a volley and the militiamen returned fire, prompting a British retreat, the first of the day.

Soon, roughly 2,000 militiamen had gathered around the area. It was on like Donkey Kong. As the fighting raged, the British started to retreat abandoning nearly everything they could in order to retreat faster…including clothing.

So what do you do with gun grabbers? You fight back and make their desire to get away so intense that they don’t even feel the need to wear pants. Make them walk out with their…well you can finish the rhyme.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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