Don’t F*** With America’s Boats

Categories: Funny, Military

Almost every single war we’ve been involved in has at some point involved in the beginning stages, someone messing with America’s boats. We’re apparently very protective of our boats. So if you’re another country and you want to avoid war with the United States…don’t touch our fuggin boats. We’re not saying messing with our boats is the only cause for war, but certainly…if you look at the trend, like…dudes…don’t touch our fuggin boats.

We’re going to break it down for you by major conflicts, because well Grenada and those other little places…while we did do some dirty deeds for dirt cheap, we wouldn’t exactly classify them as MAJOR conflicts. They were conflicts. Little firecrackers, as opposed to MOAB-sized conflicts. Everyone tracking? Good! Great! Wonderful!

Revolutionary War.
No boats involved…however, we did storm a harbor and dump tea into said harbor off of British boats, so we guess you could say we messed with their boats. And they definitely got mad. Apparently, people don’t like it when you touch their boats.

Barbary Wars
They were f***in’ with our merchant boats. Bad idea, Marines landed in Tripoli and said: “Hey, stop f***in’ with our boats or we’ll kill all of you.” And so they stopped messing with our boats.

War of 1812
The British started pressing our merchant sailors into service with the British Royal Navy. One can say that if you’re f***in’ with our sailors, then you’re f***in’ with our boats. Bing bang boom!

Mexican American War
No real boat action here, although we used boats to claim California…sometimes we wonder if it’s worth it.

Civil War
Confederate ships wouldn’t let Union ships out of the harbor to resupply Fort Sumter. Messed with our boats!

Spanish American War
They messed with our boat the USS Maine causing it to explode and sink in the harbor…there are some that question the veracity of this claim, but nonetheless, one of our boats sank.

World War 1
The Germans sank the RMS Lusitania in 1915. Americans aboard died. The United States said “No more unrestricted submarine warfare.” Germany said, ok cool. Then in January of 1917 Germany was like “Nah we liked unrestricted submarine warfare.” So the U.S. entered. Even though the Lusitania wasn’t our boat, it had Americans on board…therefore…our people our boat.

World War 2
Need we even go here? The empire of Japan really f***ed up when they f***ed with our boats at Pearl Harbor. Really bad move.

Korean War
No boat action. We used boats though.

Vietnam War
Three torpedo boats attacked the USS Maddox on August 2nd, 1964. The Maddox escaped unscathed, save one bullet hole from an enemy machine gun. They f***ed with our boat. The 2nd Gulf of Tonkin incident never actually happened.

Gulf War
The Iraqis didn’t really mess with our boats, but…they messed with Kuwait who helped fuel our boats, so…they kinda messed with our boats! Boom war.

While 9/11 was the driving force, we shouldn’t forget what they did to the USS Cole. We here remember, they f***ed with our boat.

Lesson. Don’t F*** with America’s boats.

We’re sailing around the South China Sea a lot and China is shadowing our boats…China…want some advice? Don’t touch our boats. Ask Japan what happened when they touched our boats.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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4 thoughts on “Don’t F*** With America’s Boats

  1. There’s a lesson to be learned here. Don’t fuck with our boats! Don’t even think about fucking with our boats. Our SEALS can and will swim from our boats to you and fuck you up every which way but sideways – and they might just bury your dead ass at sea from one of our boats. They’ve been known to do that kind of thing.

  2. Hmmm…boats?? You obviously aren’t a military man and couldn’t waste your time determining the best terminology. These are ships – plain and simple – do not disrespect our military due to your ignorance!!

    1. A joke is a display of humor in which words are used within a specific and well-defined narrative structure to make people laugh and is not meant to be taken seriously. It takes the form of a story, usually with dialogue, and ends in a punch line.