Things You Can’t Do In The Marine Corps

Categories: Funny, Military, News

I can’t believe I’m writing a list of things you can’t do in the Marine Corps. Hey, 2nd MarDiv Marines, this one goes out to you. We know it must be hard not being #WestCoastBestCoast like those of us in the 1st MarDiv, but try to contain your shitbaggery or at least return it to normally acceptable levels. While we all bitch and moan about having to play f*** f*** games, there is, and I’ll begrudgingly admit, usually a reason behind the f*** f*** games.

So in reality, you guys only have yourselves to blame. I don’t want to hear this “But if I disciplined my Marines, I’d get in trouble.” My senior Marines didn’t give a shit about getting in trouble, they gave a shit about the standard, trouble be damned. NJP’s were plenty, but we made Ramadi our bitch in 05-06, so… They wanted to make sure I did my damn job, so I don’t wanna hear no bitching or moaning, plus…if you can’t take a little good-natured ribbing that you’ve earned…like…why are you even on the internet? But I digress, here is a list of shit you are not allowed to do while in the United States Marine Corps unless you want to participate in division-wide bullshit games.

  • Be in the chow hall in pajamas and get caught by the Commandant of the Marine Corps
    • How f***ing stupid was this shower shoe? Bro, the chow hall…in PJs? Were you dropped on your head during your formative years repeatedly?
      • 1.b. How the hell did nobody else correct this shit for brains? You all deserve this for not sacking up and whipping his ass. 
  •  Blow off the division commander by staying seated while talking on your cell phone even after he addresses you.
    • In the name of the BDE havin’ Major General Smedley Butler, if anyone had done that to a ‘lowly’ Major, they’d be run until they died, got reincarnated and then ran until they died again.
  • Not shave, homeboy, we know you wanna rock out with your operator beard, but guess what? You’re probably not an operator and even if you were, you’d be good enough to not get caught.
  • Have long hair. We get it, we pushed the regs as far as we could go, but, if we went a week without a hair cut, we had a good old time to shave your head party.
  • Leave your base looking like trash. Police call. Take some pride in the place you call your home. It’s not hard to walk the extra 6 feet to the trash can and throw away your cigarette butt.

I may get some hate for saying this but, good god man, you guys brought this garbage on yourselves and now, even with a CG ‘micromanaging’ you, you’re the only ones who can fix yourselves, so sack up, take your social media lumps like men and unf*** yourselves.

P.S. I can’t wait to read the hate mail from all the people that are tough on the internet but wouldn’t tell a junior Marine to get out of the chow hall in pajamas. Really lets me know where your priorities lie. 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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3 thoughts on “Things You Can’t Do In The Marine Corps

  1. Spoken like a true Devil Dog. These sh*t birds should take pride in the fact that they are US Marines. Not some a*s bag running around looking like a soup sandwich. I’m not sure who is more responsible for the disgusting way SOME of our brothers & sisters are being allowed to present themselves. The Marines in question or their NCO’s. If the NCO’s of my day were allowing their Marines to conduct themselves the way these Marines are acting, they would not have remained NCO’s for long. It’s disgusting that the Corps has been forced to lower their standards so that these non-hacking wannabes could even enlist in the Corps. Kick them to the curb, and start requiring Marines to look and act like United States Marines. Thus endeth the sermon, SEMPER FI.

  2. Well said Marine. Somebody in the rank structure must have gone to an NCO/SNCO school along the way. The whole structure failed their junior Marines by not stepping up and correcting the cited discrepancies.
    They should furl the unit colors and guide ons until they start meeting and exceeding Marine Corps standards. Semper Fi

  3. Very well said. One question. Did you censor yourself or did the editor/ publisher censor you? I mean, it’s not like some little child is going to pick up this week’s edition of American Grit and learn some new words.
    The intended audience for this write up, needs to hear/read this at full volume, no beeps, no censor asterisks. If they can’t maintain discipline within their units or individuals don’t have any sense of self discipline or even common sense, they need a stiff reminder of what branch of the military they joined. If they can’t handle some cuss words being thrown at them, maybe they should reconsider their current employment and stop disgracing our beloved Corps.
    Semper Fi
    91-98