Guy Really Glad ATF Found Decoy Weapons Stash

Categories: Funny, Satire

As many of you all know, the Bureau of Alcohol Tabaco and Firearms raided a home in California yesterday and uncovered a stash of more than 1,000 weapons/firearms. While the normal mainstream media outlets are celebrating this as a win for gun control, the homeowner reached out to American Grit to let us know one thing and one thing only.

“Hell, man I’m glad they got that decoy stash, most of them rifles are rusted to the point of being inoperable or have no firing pin. It would have been a huge pain in the ass to load em all up myself and haul ’em off. Much obliged to the ATF for sending all them agents and trucks to transport them all.”

Obviously, we didn’t ask the man where his real stash was as that would be a total dick move on our part. We thought about it so we could hide our weapon stash, but since all of our weapons are at the bottom of Canyon Lake, we figured we didn’t have anything to worry about. However, we did ask him about what kind of weapons he may or may not possibly have “if” there was an “actual” “weapons cache”.

“Aww hell man I got whatever you need. You guys want an AK-48, it holds one more bullet than the AK-47s. I also got that one gun…named after them superhero movies…the Avata…no…wait, oh yeah that’s right the Avenger, it’s a GAU 8 Avenger in case you got an aircraft, that’s the only thing you might be able to mount it on. I got the ammo too, but that’ll cost extra. I sell it in links of 500. But we got all sorts of small arms too, M-16s from Vietnam, MG-42s from WW2…man I tell ya, I got a shitload of firepower…or uh…do I?”

Needless to say, the man wished to stay anonymous just as he’d done when he “tipped” the ATF off to his “huge weapons stash”.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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One thought on “Guy Really Glad ATF Found Decoy Weapons Stash

  1. This guy claims to have sold David the slingshot he slew Goliath with. He even showed me a picture of it, allegedly standing next to David himself. One problem I see with it, though. They didn’t have real rubber bands in *whenever* BC. Frankly, I think it’s just another part of the ruse to confuse the BATFEwxyz where his real stash of guns ‘n ammo is at present.
    Thanks for the real research on this, Mr. F.