Iran. Israel. The United States.

Categories: News

When we first saw the headline, we were like “Oh f***, COWABUNGA IT IS!!!” But then we read on and found that Israel was only threatened if the United States makes an “offensive” move according to Iran. The United States is reviewing military plans as it suspects Iran guilty of sabotaging four ships off the coast of the United Arab Emirates. The US Maritime Administration cautioned the world about Iran or it’s proxies conducting strikes on civilian targets, primarily petroleum infrastructure types of targets. Then the ships get hit…

What did we talk about a few weeks ago? If you mess with our boats, you’re going to get the hammer. The truth is this conflict is almost 70 years in the making. We helped orchestrate the coup against Mohammad Mosaddegh after he nationalized the oil industry in Iran. We returned power to Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, who became increasingly authoritarian, oops. Our bad dudes. Not that Mohammad Mosaddegh was going to be any better. While a “champion of democracy” one could reasonably make the case that he was kind of a socialist and we were in the middle of the Cold War…shit happens.

At the time of the Islamic Revolution in Iran, due to our interference in 1953, we were labeled the Great Satan and Israel labeled the Little Satan…which Iran ignored during the Iraq-Iran war where Israeli advisors and supplies made sure Iran’s air force could even operate among other things (Helloooooo TOW Missiles). Much to the dismay of the United States who’d allied with Iraq, Israel supplied Iran with a shitton of support and weaponry during the war.

Despite all of the help during the ’80s Iran still hates Israel and has called for a Palestinian state with Jerusalem as the capital.

Here is the issue though…as bad as we were because, during the Cold War, we were pretty not cool dudes to Iran. We haven’t been hoping to get our hands on a nuke to just to throw at Israel, the way Iran has. They want to use the nuclear option on Israel so bad. We have nukes. We haven’t used them. We’re not trying to make us out to be the good guy here, we’re just saying, of the two countries with nuclear weapons, neither of us have used them, and we’re pretty sure if that third country (you know who) had nuclear weapons, they’d attempt to use one. Again, we’re not exactly the good guy, but not exactly the bad guy either.

At some point in the whole 70 year build up, each nation had the opportunity to do the right thing, but nobody ever really did. And that…that has led us to here. Where Iranian leadership is saber rattling harder than it has in some time, and the United States seems…eager to match those levels.

We’re not saying war is right around the corner, but…it wouldn’t be surprising. Not much surprises us anymore when it comes to governments around the world executing shit foreign policy.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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3 thoughts on “Iran. Israel. The United States.

  1. You’re acting like there is nobody else out there acting in the world. Remember Moscow? Beijing? If we sit back and polish our halo while not getting involved in overseas politics, all that happens is one of our adversaries meddles like there’s no tomorrow, putting us in a worse position when war comes, as it inevitably does. Kinda like Venezuela right now. We can choose to stay out of it and bask in what righteous people we are, but that’s going to almost certainly mean a Russian client state in our backyard. So we aren’t picking between a good choice and a shitty one, we’re picking between a shitty one and a shittier (for us) one.