Frustrated Lance Corporal Doesn’t Know Which Cammies To Pack

Categories: Funny, Satire

The rumors of war are increasing. Some think it’ll be in Iran. Other’s think we’ll finally invade someplace nice and head into Venezuela. But while the pundits argue and the politicians all squabble and everyone else in the world bickers back and forth about the last 70-80 years of foreign policy, we’re forgetting the real victims here. The Lance Corporals who know some shit is about to pop off, but they keep unpacking and repacking their cammies.

One anonymous Lance Corporal from 2/5 Weapons Company, whose last name is Davis (we’re making that up sorry if there is a Davis in 2/5 Weapons Co and you get hazed for this) agreed to speak on the condition we keep his identity a secret. Lol…no. Obviously. (Insert laughing like an asshole here).

“One minute we’re going to Iran, so I’m like cool desert cammies it is. Then the next minute those dickheads at American Grit are like, ‘Oh but wait, look at what’s popping off in Venezuela’ and so I unpack and repack jungle cammies. It’s never-ending with those dicks.”

Precious liberty time that could be spent doing copious amounts of degenerate hoodrat things with all of his hoodrat friends is instead spent packing, unpacking, then repacking…as are all of his hoodrat Lance Corporal degenerate friends as well. One of the worst consequences of this entire ordeal is the loss of respect from the PFCs and Privates.

“These assholes don’t take us seriously anymore, one minute we’re tellin’ them to pack greens, then five seconds later, we’re screaming at them to watch the fuggin’ news and change to deserts. We look like morons! It’s so bad that now what precious liberty time I may have had when we finally decide where we’re gonna go full cowabunga, I’ll have to spend hazing the shit out of my junior Marines. I can’t catch a break!”

No precious liberty time for our poor unappreciated Lance Corporals. They slave away packing, unpacking and repacking and hazing their Marines, while those above them know not the tremendous sacrifice these Marines are making.

“Like…we don’t even care, just pick someplace and let’s do this shit. How dumb is it that we have to “hurry up and wait” for war? Also, bro can I bum a smoke?”

We did not give him a smoke, he’s had plenty of time to buy his own shit, f*** that guy.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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