What If We’re Just Playing Dumb?

Categories: Funny, Military

Dear god, we hope so. All this talk of cost overruns and malfunctioning equipment…man, I bet we’re just playing dumb broadcasting to the entire world. We’re not really asking this, but also we kind of are…what if all these problems are just leaked so that we’re underestimated.

“Oh no our shit don’t work we’re weak and vulnerable.”

Then WHAM! All of a sudden all of our shit works. That’s what we’re hoping for. We’re hoping it’s just one giant misinformation campaign meant to get Russia, China, and all those other slapdicks to underestimate us so we can show up and do the Boot Scootin’ Boogie on their graves. We hope.

Like the USS Zumwalt…“Oh no the ammo for the guns is too expensive…lol *whisper* just kidding we’re buying a shitload and that ammo is fuggin worth every penny.” Again we hope this is the case. We also hope that the “Oh no she isn’t stealth anymore,” line has China being like:

“We should be able to see the American ships, they have that tacky bolt on shit that makes them non-stealth.”

Then boom, surprise! Britney’s back bitch and like…five Chinese ships are sunk in the blink of an eye by a very stealthy USS Zumwalt destroyer. We hope…

Or even the ever-maligned F-35 program…“Oh no the S-400 may learn our vulnerabilities.” Meanwhile, Russia is all stoked about it, only to find out that the F-35 compromised the S-400 system and not the other way around. Air supremacy here we come!

We hope, hope hope hope and desperately want to believe that all of our problems with our current next generation shit is just a bunch of propaganda or hell even a red herring because we have like…super space battle cruiser we’re about to launch that can conduct orbital bombardment with impunity against our enemies.

What’s the likelihood of all this being true and our deepest desires being fulfilled in this realm? Let’s just say we have a better chance at winning a Pulitzer than these hopes have of turning out to be real. We may find out soon if China keeps messing with Taiwan.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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