Cruise Versus Bieber…FIGHT

Categories: Funny, News

Oh man. This is great. It’s so ridiculously stupid it’s almost poetic. Justin Bieber, of Canada (boo, boo Canada) wants to fight Tom Cruise, why…only Cthulhu really fukin knows. But alas the 25-year-old Beiber called out the 56-year-old Cruise in a tweet saying that Cruise would never live down his fear of Beiber…riiiiiight…Bieber even tagged UFC President Dana White in order to get things rolling.

Why are we writing about this? Because it’s so hilariously stupid and dumb that we couldn’t help but take the opportunity to say a few things.

First off, Tom Cruise is 56…and from the looks of it has taken pretty decent care of himself. Kind of easy to do when you’ve got $570 million dollars. And rumor has it that Tom wasn’t a super bad wrestler in high school before he turned to acting. He also played linebacker for his high school football team. Now we get it, Tom is fookin’ weird man. Probably certifiably crazy, but that to us is an advantage. A former wrestler, football player and mildly insane…versus

A guy whose ribs are often mistaken for abdominal muscles. Don’t get us wrong, we’re sure there are a lot of roids and personal trainers and fight trainers that a guy with $256 million can afford. But…so far he hasn’t really exercised those options…or exercised at all really from what we can tell.

Usually, we don’t really care about stupid people doing stupid things. We just point and laugh then move on with our day. If Justin wants to fight Tom…go right ahead, we don’t care if you two beat each other silly…except…Tom Cruise is from the United States, despite spending some significant time in Canada, Tom is one of us. Justin on the other hand…well he’s Canadian so…

USA USA USA USA!

Yeah if the fight happens we’re gonna root for Tom because as crazy as Tom is, he’s one of us and we’ve got to ensure that he beats that pompous little singer who gives Canada a bad name into a bloody mess on the floor just like we’ve all wanted to do since he got that stupid “Baby” song stuck in our girlfriends heads. Fuk dat gui! (spelled wrong on purpose)

We will live vicariously through Tom’s fists. And also, sometimes, some might say we enjoy a bit of violence.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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