Oh Britain, This Is Why We Left You

Categories: News

This and that whole taxation without representation and the quartering of soldiers in our homes and the King being a giant piece of shit soap. Police, in what was once the greatest empire the world had ever seen, are handing out blunt-tipped knives to prevent domestic violence stabbings. The rest of the knife works like a knife, they just dulled the pointy end. We’re not shitting you, here is the original link (https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/nottingham-news/police-handing-out-blunt-knives-2964343)

Let us say that ONE MORE TIME FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE MUTHAFUGGIN’ BACK! THE KNIFE BLADE IS STILL SHARP, THEY JUST MADE THE POINTY AT THE END DULL.

They are replacing normal kitchen knives with these knives in order to lessen the number of stabbings by domestic abusers. You know, assholes that think hitting their spouse or significant other is the proper way to solve a disagreement. Again because we can’t say this enough regarding how absofookinglutely dumb this is, THE BLADE IS STILL SUPER SHARP.

It’s not like the sharp blade could be used to like…we dunno cut or slash someone still causing serious bodily harm.

If there was ever a time to be grateful that you live in the United States and not Britain…just remember this is a reenactment of a conversation between the police and knives…

British Police: We did it, we solved domestic violence stabbings!

Knives: You do know how a knife works right? 

Yes, the reasoning behind this is so dumb that the knives came alive to talk, because apparently and this is (about to be some hardcore sarcasm here) new information, but if you dull the tip of the knife, apparently you can’t cut anyone’s throat even though they are two separate parts of the knife.

Police wanted to be clear that the knife can still function as a knife so you can use it to do all the things you’d normally use a knife in the kitchen for, except stabbing your food…

Folks…we can’t…like how…you made the smallest dangerous part of the knife dull and that’s going to solve the problem? No wonder your empire got dismantled. We’re going to buy extra fireworks this Fourth of July to celebrate not being these morons.

Also, if you are a domestic abuser, we hope you get several horrible terminal diseases.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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