Shooting In Texas? Not This Time!

Categories: News

If you’re going to go all wannabe tacti-cool operator wannabe space shuttle door gunning fukwit and try to commit a mass shooting, you might want to pick a different state to do it in. Texas is not a good idea. Especially if you suck ass. Which this person who has been freshly un-alived realized a little too late.

Showing up at the Earle Cabell Federal Courthouse in downtown Dallas imitating the dudes in Call of Duty Modern Warfare as best he could (which wasn’t very well done), this un-alived person looked like a hot bag of ass added to an extremely putrid dumpster fire. He literally was a shit soup sandwich.

22-year-old Brian Isaack Clyde…this dude learned really quick that the Federal Protective Service officers in this region do not, and we can’t stress this enough, they DO NOT FUK AROUND. The only person that was hurt when Brian decided to show up all wannabe tacti-cooled out was Brian as he got dropped before he was able to do harm to anyone else.

This is Texas. And despite the officers being Federal officers, they probably live here and may even be from here and one thing is certain. We don’t take too kindly to people trying to commit acts of terrorism or extreme violence ’round here. As the saying goes, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Witnesses say Brian peaked around a corner before dashing across a parking lot where the officers did their best impression of distance whack-a-mole. The “bulletproof vest” and “assault rifle” along with the copious amounts of ammo didn’t seem to help Brian out at all.

This just goes to show folks, even if you’ve got all the coolest gadgets, there is no substitute for knowing what the f*** you’re doing. Which Brian…clearly…your dead ass didn’t know f***all and you paid the price for it. Sucks to suck bitch.


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112 thoughts on “Shooting In Texas? Not This Time!

      1. Mission accomplished, I’ve now read this article multiple times and laughed equally as hard each time.

        BTW, I’ve from the Austin, TX area so love seeing my state do these kinds of things

    1. Man I love Texas! Shoot first ask questions later kinda state, but in this case questions not needed lmao!!

    2. Is a red-blooded, red hearted, red stator living deep behind enemy lines in the People’s Republic of Dumfuckistan(Cali) I absolutely love and applaud this action and you’re write up. I’m still chuckling as I write this. Darwin’s pool skimmer at work once again.

  1. Love it!! I’m from Waller Texas and we love our 2nd amendment and we love our Texas! God bless the thin blue line along with all the first responders!

  2. One less Mo-Tard my tax dollars will have to pay for in the futue. Thanks for the return on investment Feds. $20.00 worth of ammo, vs a life time of suffering by potential victims.

  3. A.M.F. Thank you for Federal Protective Service Officers for taking the fight out of this Mall-Ninja Fagwezzy. Too bad we can’t bring back from the un-alive state so we can all line up to kick him in his putrid small pecker repeatedly. A.M.F.

  4. Became un-alive…HA!
    Where are all the assholes defending this respiratory challenged turd’s right to commit a mass shooting?
    Fun writing fam!

  5. This is the best written story ever. Glad no innocent people were injured or worse. Fucking fan boy trying to be a gear-do. What in the what do these kids think they are going to accomplish?

  6. Yeah, author dude, you’re the shit. I personally feel that your writing style should be adopted by all major news sources around the world. ‘Merica

  7. I would like to know what happened without all the slang and opinion. Just the facts please. Seems like a great outcome, but please just the facts.

  8. Love this read!! Best most honest written piece about a worthless pile of Shit ever !! You just made my day thank you hahaha!!

  9. Lol this is an awesome story. Not so awesome someone died but he did it to himself. Sadly thank God nobody was hurt and thank the security guard that was on his toes that shot him immediately.

  10. From bombing shooters (Dallas PD 5 officers were killed 11 wounded before they bombed his ass with robot carrying c4) to Garland PD taking out two potential terrorist with just two shots. One thing has always been true about Texans, we do not take kindly to those that wish to hurt others, especially those that are willing to try and do harm to our first responders.

  11. This is right up my news alley with all the f-bombs, way more interesting! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I guess this guy didn’t learn from the wanna be jihad fucks and their failed massacre a few years ago.

  12. HELL YEAH! That’s the way to write and article! Maybe we’d have less of these wannabe dipshits if all articles were written like this one. MERICA!

  13. This Texan approves of this message. Mass shooter wannabe? You wandered into the wrong State there jackwagon…..ya fixin for a shootin’? Oh …..nevermind. Yep, he be dead.

  14. I want my news every night by this reporter. You have to be from Texas my friend! If not, well Hell you belong here!

  15. This is the best line ever “If you’re going to go all wannabe tacti-cool operator wannabe space shuttle door gunning fukwit”

  16. The author has gained my respect. Speak the truth and don’t pussify the shit. Sick of our news outlets pretending we are at tea time. Say the facts and use the correct language. The guy was a shit soup sammich for sure.

  17. Thats what we need to start the healing of this problem. But we need this everywhere. Not just a Texas Court house and Feds running around. We need it to happen anytime one of these fukheads think they want to try something stupid.

  18. Outstanding article John, from a D/FW resident. Texas is not the playground for this level of fuckery. We DO NOT play games in this state. Just ask Brian, well…… #2A3P

  19. This is fucking glorious. When I first heard about this, I figured he saw the “Gun Free Zone” signs and changed his mind.

  20. Rock on Texas. I live in MD the state of liberal confusion I am in relative close proximity to the city that reads…..the death notices. King of per capita murders the city thrives under democratic rule for decades.

  21. This’s unbiased and not worrying about hurting feelings. Whoever wrote this I’ll be glad to read anything he puts out there. Great read ! ! !

  22. Im adding this author and website to my daily news routine. It sounded like I was getting the information stright from a Platoon Sgt. Stright to the point, no BS amd no candy coatings. “Almost” makes me miss active duty.

  23. I got to see his FB page about 20 min before they took it down.

    Judging from the videos he posted of himself, he was a punk that had zero regard for life.

    Very pleased his life was the only one lost today.

  24. That was the best reporting I’ve read about this story today and I just found out about this. So, this is the only story I’ve read. I don’t need to read anyone else’s about how he was the victim and guns are bad MMM K! Fuck this asshole I’m glad he’s taking a dirt nap. MERICA 🇺🇸

  25. Fuck around and your gonna lay around. Permanently. Kudos to the officer. America needs more stand up guys like you.

  26. Despite the officers being federal officers!!! That’s BS!! FPS should get all the credit for being there on site engaging the threat! Texas or not Federal Buildings are always protected places. Should say “Dumbass tries massshooting on the Federal building!”

  27. Love it DFW is like my 2nd home.
    Please keep up the great reporting ill be looking forward to more news I can use…lol

  28. I was there when this happened my son was at meps across the street getting ready to leave for bootcamp.

  29. This should be the case in all other states! But everyone is too worried about gun control and hurting someone’s feelings. Way to go Texas. Glad to see someone has the guts!

  30. I saw a pic of his gunshot wounds direct center mass right in the heart. You are right, they weren’t fucking around.

  31. Only in American can I sit here on my couch (that was free), drinking my scotch, (that was free), with my 2nd amend right hat, (that was free), with my two pit bulls, (they were free), and read about Texas bad asses doing what Texan’s do, which is I believe the “take no shit” policy. I, being one state above the blessed state of Texas, approve this article with a “hell yeah” and why the hell doesn’t Oklahoma do this too >.< I'm moving to Texas.

  32. Lose all the profanity (poorly spelled and otherwise) and you might actually be a good writer. Unless of course you’re going for the gangsta’ rapper angle, if that’s the case I’ll just stop reading you.

  33. gotta love the writing ,,,unalive was kind of wack but it got to be funny
    people are just stupid , bet they dig into shit for brains life he was a loner , lived in mommies basement , and was on some type of anti depression drug
    but truth is the play stupid games , win stupid prizes
    now all you hear is oh he was such a good boy he loved his family never hurt anyone , played video games all day , has a BA in social arts whatever the f that crap is
    keep up the great work , we need more of this in our country all this PC BS has to go

  34. Quality prose and word selection. I give you an A+ for that and the sheer honesty of which you tell. Kudos fine sir.

  35. Reminds me of when the 2 ISIS inspired gunmen showed up in Garland, Texas at the Curtis Culwell Center. With body armor, 6 weapons, and 1,500 rounds of ammo, the only thing they managed to hit was a ricochet shot off the ground and into the ankle of an unarmed Garland ISD school resource officer. They were both downed by a single Garland PD Officer.

  36. Besides the FPS, I’m sure he was met by the CSO’s assigned to that courthouse. These guys are comprised mostly of Retired Law Enforcement and they can handle their business.

  37. Dallas here!
    What a dolt! This a$$hat was probably a skilled Call of Duty warrior! NOT! You want to bring the hurt! There are professionals out there just itching to provide your dumb ass with some tactical brutal justice. Praise to the officers that stepped up and did what needed to be done! One less $hitbag in jail for life.

  38. He WAS most likely one if not all of the following..

    1. Chaptered out of the military

    2. A POG

    3. Let go because he could not get

  39. It actually wasn’t FPS who engaged initially, it was the federal contracted force protection (Paragon Systems) who engaged and ballistic-ally canceled the target. Everything else is accurate.

  40. Please note that the invividuals who dropped this wannabe mass murderer, were not federal officers with the federal protective service. They were contract SECURITY OFFICERS. I know this for favt because they are my co-workers. Not one actual law enforcement officer fire a single round.

  41. I’m from Rockport Texas and Don’t Mess With Texas. We are packing and we don’t mess around with stupid… Trump 2020 so we can keep our guns

  42. Ain’t no sunshine when he’s gone…… This poor stupid dumb motherfucker was probably just looking for suicide by cop. He had to be that stupid. Maybe he could possibly be even more than stupid with his Halloween costume. Maybe if he had waited until October 31. Nah… shitwad was that stupid. Texas Guns Up!

  43. Like to get justice served here in south Jersey for me and my family. Need legal help.IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED IN HELPING US. EMAIL ME ASAP.THANKS ERIC THARP