Curfew Lifted Aaaand It’s Back In Effect

Categories: Funny, Satire

Not even a week into the curfew being lifted and already there are rumors of putting the curfew back in effect.

“Our hopes were lifted and then immediately crushed,” said an anonymous Air Force Brigadier General. “We really tried to give it a chance, but…well just look at the press clippings!”

He grabs several newspapers and shows us headline after headline of reasons why the curfew is probably, certainly going to be reinstated.

“Let’s see where should we start. Ahh yes, here is one ‘Lance Corporal Rides Snowboard Behind Taxi’ down Hoenamu-ro, using a tow strap to connect him and the taxi.”

In all honesty that just sounds like a bit of good-natured fun, but the General continued.

“…he took out six tables and injured three people. He’s in the hospital getting stitches for his right eye and a gash on his right thigh, left by one of the tables he hit.”

Ok, well that’s obviously dangerous, but can enlisted guys get rowdy. That’s somewhat normal.

” …It’s not just the enlisted either. One of my pilots tried to draw a sky penis with a sky vagina. Luckily it was dark so nobody could see it.”

Ok…see, but that’s just like upping the game a bit. The general continued flipping through more headlines. None were innocent. None were spared the embarrassment of getting caught during their shenanigans. All were guilty in the eyes of command and all would pay the price via reinstatement of the curfew.

“Tank platoon takes Abrams on a joyride on city streets. Sailors dressed as pirates attempt to cross the border and steal back the USS Pueblo…cheese and rice man!”

Ok to be fair that last one actually kind of sounds like a pretty cool idea.

There you have it gents. The command staff is not tolerating any more tomfoolery. If everyone wants to keep the curfew gone, best do better at not getting caught.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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2 thoughts on “Curfew Lifted Aaaand It’s Back In Effect

  1. Time for the ol’ gunny Hartman special (soap in a sock) treatment! Better than the alternative (soap on a rope) which you may need if you get locked up with a bunch o’ horny marines, ROFL!

  2. Starting a satire column under the same name? Do you realize how many people you are gonna completely fucking confuse? Especially when you lean as close to real incidents?