Honest Headlines

Categories: Funny, News, Satire

Let’s be real for the 30 seconds it’ll probably take you to read through this article. It’s all about clicks. It’s about traffic. It’s about content. Your content still has to be mildly engaging and decent, but not as great as your headline has to be. Case in point, moi.

But some headlines, well…there is a difference between exciting headlines and misleading headlines. No doubt we spice our headlines up so you’ll read them, but we at least attempt to ensure that the title is at least somewhat relevant to the topic at hand. We try. We don’t always succeed (usually it’s when we’re running low on crayons).

Now though we find ourselves here, trying to help you not waste your time on other sites and read our shit. So we’re going to break down some headlines that we’ve seen and tell you what the headline really means if it’s from a site other than ours.

 

  1. “Gun Study Shows Guns Don’t Prevent Crime”
    We cherry-picked data from a study that was conducted and financed by an ardent anti-gun group to support our claim while ignoring the empirical data from the FBI and DOJ.
  2. “U.S. Servicemember On Trial For War Crimes”
    He probably just did his job, but due to the politically correct culture being foisted on our military, we have to crucify him, even though it’s men like him that keep others alive
  3. “Lose Fat and Get Shredded in One Day”
    A bunch of pseudoscientific bullshit that ignores basic anatomy and physiology in favor of what some Instagram thot says.
  4.  “Country X and Country Y On The Brink Of War”
    Even we’re guilty of this at times. But the truth of the matter is that often we are at the brink of war but everyone backs down because it’s looking more and more like the next war will be WW3 and nobody wants to be remembered like Germany in the last two world wars.
  5. “Miracle Food Cures Cancer”
    No. It doesn’t. It probably has anti-oxidants which help prevent cancer from developing. More than likely if you are mildly healthy, you probably already eat this food.
  6. “We’re Losing In War Games To X Nation(s)”
    That’s the point of war games. Nobody learns shit from winning easily. Most often in these war games, the decks are stacked against us and the opponents are given every advantage and we’re given every disadvantage. Trust us, we’ll be fine.
  7.  “The Soviet Union Is No More”
    Keep pretending like they didn’t just rebrand themselves. They let a few countries go and opened up a little, but if you look at their actions in Crimea and Venezuela…it’s still the Soviet Union.
  8. “Communists Are People Too”
    No, they aren’t. Stop lying to people. Now come get on our helicopter.

So there you guys have it. Post your own honest headlines in the comment section below and be sure to rate the piece!

Know what we're sayin fam?

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

0

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

One thought on “Honest Headlines

  1. “Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (female Joseph Goebbels) takes photos in front of caged imigrant children.”
    No, it’s called pandering propoganda. Pick up a history book and realize that history does repeat itself.