Don’t Bitch Out On The 4th of July

Categories: Events, Funny, Military

Look…we can’t tell you to do dangerous crazy shit to celebrate the 4th of July, but we can say that we won’t be mad if we see some cool shit on our Twitter and Facebook feeds. If there isn’t someone doing some shit that would have some fire marshalls saying “What the ever living fuk is that shit,” then we should probably just become colonies again.

Go ape shit. See that’s safe for us to say because legally…what is ape shit? Can one quantify ape shit? Your apeshit might be my time evening. My apeshit might be a mere fraction of your apeshit. And why are we saying apeshit so much? Because Harambe you tool. Be sure to remember that whatever you do you gotta rep the #DOFH as well.

Be like San Antonio, I’m a bit biased because I’m from here, but on New Year’s Eve this past year, San Antonio changed the air quality to hazardous via fireworks. If they don’t get it changed for the 4th I’ll be disappointed.

So like we said, don’t bitch out. Don’t be the attention seeker telling everyone that fireworks wreck your PTSD, don’t get butthurt over people calling that shit out because we know it all happens (cue the vetflakes that will inevitably bitch about it despite only being “deployed” to Kuwait).

Celebrate in a fashion that makes the Queen of England, say some shit like “Man, those colonies are a bunch of crazy bastards, super glad they kicked our asses and left our empire.”

Now on the flip side…if you want to have a nice quiet evening drinkin’ a few beers and shooting the shit, solving the world’s problems…we guess that’s alright too because like…we don’t want to tell you how to freedom, but truthfully, as our liberties decrease, you should celebrate vociferously the ones that we still have while we still have them and before the boogaloo comes.

Just ya know at the end of the day, do what you want as long as you’re not being a doucher looking for a TYFYS, it’s Americas day, not Veteran’s Day, that’s in November.

 

 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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