How To Get Shot 101

Categories: Funny, Satire

In case people were wondering. There are certain steps you need to take in order to get shot if that’s something you want to go through. Getting shot, just an FYI could result in your death or serious bodily harm. We don’t recommend getting shot. It usually ends up poorly for you depending on the placement of the round. Arm, meh maybe you’ll be ok, but you know…brachial artery. Leg, again maybe, but again femoral artery, so…again highly recommend not getting shot.

But some people just won’t listen to reason. So we’ve created a step by step guide for these people.

Step 1: Join an extremist organization. You know the ones…c’mon now. They’re either wielding Hammer and Sickle flags or Swastika flags, talking about how they will make everything right in the world.

Step 2: Act violently towards people who express the slightest verbal or intellectual disagreement with your new organization’s views. Even if those people don’t outright disagree, just merely don’t care, still…get violent with them. Start with fists. They’ll probably use fists back. You may get punched.

Step 3: Escalate your violence and rhetoric and get people to do dumb shit like throw bricks at people or “milkshakes” that have quick drying cement in them. Now we’re talking. If you and a bunch of your friends start yeeting bricks at peoples faces, you’ve arrived. Some people might take that as an act meant to cause grievous bodily harm. Which flips the green light on you getting shot. (You might want to check your local municipalities and state laws to see if you’re likely to get shot once you’ve yeeted a brick at some dudes face just because he was walking within 20 feet of you)

Step 4: Bleed everywhere because people don’t take kindly to getting bricks or quick-drying cement flung at them and they’ll likely take it as a threat to their life, skin their smoke wagon and properly ventilate you. If they don’t you’re lucky.

Step 5: Die. It’s not really so much a step so much as it’s the end result. Copious amounts of blood loss and shot placement may have rendered your life unable to continue. Your brain has hit the “End Task” button on your life’s Task Manager.


Join us for our next classes, How To Get Shot 102 (breaking into a house), How To Get Shot 103 (Joining the military, hey it may happen), How to Get Shot 104 (Reaching for a LEO’s weapon).

Know what we're sayin fam?

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4 thoughts on “How To Get Shot 101

  1. ANTIFA – are you listening?
    Maybe ANTIFA needs one of them there Sergeant’s bedtime stories and a jigger of Merica Bourbon to get the point they’s headed for big trouble.

  2. But those asshats always pick places with no carry zones and laws against protecting ones self. Bring that shit to VA or NC where men are redneck and hog lots are near by as is the wood chipper. If there is no body, it’s just a missing person.

  3. How about a tutorial on things that will get you shot during a standard trafic stop. Like failing to follow instructions, reaching in between or under seat when told to keep hands in plane sight… Trying to run over officers ect…