Meth Gators…Really?

Ok, this one-upmanship of Florida has gone too far. It’s a joke. We joke about Florida, but it’s actually a pretty damn decent place. These other states are jealous they are not getting what they feel is the proper amount of attention and they are getting carried away. Last week it was Oklahoma with the couple caught with uranium, a rattlesnake, a gun, and whiskey…now this week, Tennessee is sitting here telling people not to flush their drugs down the toilet because they don’t want gators hopped up on methamphetamines.

Go back, read that last sentence in its entirety, very slowly. Ok, you read it right. Are you tracking with us now?

First off. Maybe this is just because I haven’t spent a lot of time in Tennessee, but when the hell did you guys get gators? We thought gators were just in like…Florida, Louisiana, and Houston, but now they’re up in Tennessee…um…what the shit?

Also, Tennessee, we can’t help but encourage you to follow the directions of those telling you not to flush your drugs. Alligators are like…already apex, primal killing machines and now we’re gonna have gators on meth?

In the wise words of Mike Tyson, “That’th methed up man.”

It’s already difficult to stop your local breed of meth head. Dude/dudette has to be shot like 18 times before they realize they’ve been shot. Now we gotta deal with the potential of an alligator on meth? No thanks homie, we’re just going to start carrying grenades around with us if gators are going to start financing Walter damn White.

We get it, good citizens of Tennessee, you want to be recognized for your Darwinian efforts, but meth-head alligators….man we’re not quite sure that’s the way to go. We thought machines were going to kill us all, but now…well…shit.

Also…not that we’d encourage meth use (not even once), but isn’t a meth habit like kind of expensive? And here you are flushing it down the toilet. We’re not saying you should do meth, but like…financially, it makes very little sense.

 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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