Area 51 To Bolster Defenses

With several groups reaching over a few hundred thousand participants, the total number of people planning to raid Area 51 has definitely got to be at least in the realm of 1 million. Due to these astronomically large numbers, the defenders of Area 51 have decided to not only bolster their defenses by having the young airmen go to ranges and ensure their weapon qualifications are up to date, but also…they’ve started recruiting outside help. Heroes that can be trusted to not divulge the sensitive information from the sight.

First up, they’ve recruited the British SAS Operator known to the internet as OMNA or One Man National Asset. He made headlines when he made entry into a hotel in Nairobi where five Al-Shaboob…we call them that to take away their power, not Shabaab, nope, Al-Shaboob fighters had taken several hostages. The One Man National Asset (OMNA from now on), made entry all by his lonesome after hearing of the attack while out shopping for fresh new kicks. After turning the hotel into a canoe storage center, he became internet famous because he violated the number one rule of building clearing, but won. According to our sources, he has accepted the offer to defend Area 51.

Next up, they’ve recruited the Submarine Surfer from the Coast Guard. Despite the fact that everyone makes fun of the Coast Guard, nobody is making fun of ol’ dude who jumped on a moving narco sub from his moving boat and banged on the hatch till it opened and he could smack the occupants around a bit. He will also be joining in the defense of Area 51.

Last but not least, for those of you with a history of the deep magic of the internets, Reddit user Blitzinc43, who also goes by the name Blackout will be joining the defenders. If you don’t know about Blitzinc43, here is the link so you know what kind of badass you’re dealing with.

They may have Kyles, Karens, Naruto runners, and other virgi…warriors, but with these three joining the team, we highly doubt that anyone is going to clap any alien cheeks, except maybe OMNA…they’ll probably let him, but only because the Alien chicks asked specifically for him.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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