Eddie Gallagher’s Attorney Wishes To Rejoin Navy (But not why you think)

He wants to do it because…omg this is great…he wants to rejoin the Navy so he can teach prosecutors how to do their jobs again. Timothy C. Parlatore, the lead attorney for Navy SEAL Eddie Gallagher is doubling down on his recent court victory by telling news outlets he’d like to rejoin the Navy to teach prosecutors how to basically not f*** up a wet dream. And we’ve gotta say, bravo, just bravo good sir.

After watching the shit show that was the prosecution during the whole ordeal with Eddie, it’s not surprising, even we as non-attorney laymen, could recognize that the prosecution assigned to the case couldn’t litigate their way out of rolling a stop sign, something the author of this piece has done on one occasion with no formal jurisprudence experience.

We like that kind of attitude here. Without putting words in his mouth, Timothy is basically saying.

“Geez guys, it wasn’t even a fair fight. Let me come teach you how to do it so next time you can actually stand a chance against me…I mean, probably not, but anything is better than the garbage ass performance you put up.” (Again, he didn’t say that…but we’d like to think he did, because well, it’s fucking hilarious to us)

Not only did Timothy and Eddie win, but now Tim has the el grande huevos rancheros to volunteer to help those he just wrecked. Talk about having some of what we call BDE.

Not sure if the Navy is going to honor his request to come back and teach prosecutors how to prosecute, but the fact that he offered…well we about fell out of our chair laughing.

Navy…how are you going to react? Are you really gonna let Tim talk all that trash about how your prosecutors ain’t shit and not do anything about it? Just curious. Tim, if you read this, we apologize for our slang vernacular, we were but humble Marine Corps grunts and speak as such.



Know what we're sayin fam?

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