Marines To Get Punished For Getting Caught, Not Smuggling

Categories: Funny, Satire, Totally Made Up And Not True
getting caught

If there is one thing the United States Marine Corps cannot stand it’s being shitty at your job. Whatever your job is, whether killin’ people, or fixing vehicles, or getting comms up…it doesn’t matter. The Marine Corps due to our small size and mission, can’t have people being shitty at their jobs. Your job is to not be shitty at your job. Hence why infantrymen go to the range all the time, why motor transport works on vehicles all the time. Honing their skills.

There is one skill that every single Marine is expected to master though…no it’s not the rifle. Trust us, as much we want the saying “Every Marine a rifleman” to be true, there are some non-shooting fudds in our ranks. Man do they suck, couldn’t even qualify as marksmen with deliberate pit love. No, rather the one skill that all Marines are expected to master is that of not getting caught.

See the Marine Corps has a proud history of not getting the shit we need to do our jobs. We have a tiny little budget and get broken ass hand-me-downs from the Civil War era. So…sometimes…Marines, for the sake of their unit succeeding and/or surviving a mission, will pilfer shit from other branches…sucks to suck you other three, gear adrift is a gift, so suck it Samwise. How we get away with this…well we don’t get caught.

The Marines arrested in the big ol drug smuggling and people smuggling ring committed a cardinal sin in the Marine Corps…they got caught. We’re not trying to say drug smuggling or people smuggling is totes cool, it’s not. If they hadn’t been caught though, the Marine Corps wouldn’t have cared about it. Blissful ignorance is the name of the game here ladies and gentlemen.

All Marines are good, trustworthy, honorable, upright citizens…riiiiight up until they get caught.

If they didn’t want to get punished, they should have been better at their job, which was not getting caught. Just saying.

 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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