Veteran Without Beard Accused of Stolen Valor

Categories: Funny, Satire, Totally Made Up And Not True

Good morning, afternoon or evening, for those of you reading, we come to you with a tragic story of a young veteran who was either unable to grow a beard or chose of his own free will to not grow a beard and was mocked incessantly by civilians at his local university. Despite numerous pictures of him on Facebook from his time in Afghanistan where he rocked a gnarly beard, former Green Beret Kenneth Dolle still experiences vitriolic abuse at the hands of not only the students but the staff as well.

For one of his classes at the Bingham College Of Culture and Knowledge, the professor allowed all veterans an excused absence for Veteran’s Day. When Kenneth didn’t show up, the professor accused him of skipping class.

“I showed the professor everything from my Facebook photos, to my DD214, showing I was in, but he still told me they were fake because I didn’t have a beard. I spent the day with my kids teaching them about my time in the Army.”

We reached out to Kenneth’s professor, Dr. Michael Koche, for his side of the story.

“Look, I get tons of veterans in my class every year, but Kenneth, he’s not one of them. In addition to not having a beard, he doesn’t swear at the other students or crack beers open in the middle of class. I know he showed me photos and ‘paperwork’ but nearly everything can be doctored and changed these days.”

Kenneth was also the victim of a Stolen Valor video where despite knowing all the answers and remaining calm, the lack of a beard and the fact that he didn’t beat wholesale ass left many who watched the footage wondering.

“I mean, he answered everything right, but no beard, no swearing at others, remaining calm…this guy obviously did his research, but I’m pretty sure he’s stolen valor,” said a YouTube user who went by the username XxYeet69BoogalooxX.

For many veterans who choose not to grow beards or just can’t grow beards, the ferocity of these attacks on their service cannot be tolerated. In order to help, we’ve set up a donation station at the local VFWs where baby faced veterans can get donated body hair glued to their face. If you’re able to donate any hair, please head to your local VFW where they have clippers, scissors and Elmer’s glue on hand to help your fellow veterans out.

 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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6 thoughts on “Veteran Without Beard Accused of Stolen Valor

  1. I can only grow a goatee. No beard for me and i am almost 55. Native American ancestry keeps it from growing in. But yet i am an Army Veteran. Some Professors are clueless.

  2. Do I smell an opportunity for business here? Hair club for veterans! Not sure i would use Elmer’s glue though, it gets mistaken for a snack most the time.