Area 51 Chronicles: The Pickup

Categories: Totally Made Up And Not True

She slid her finger up on the touchscreen of her iPhone X. *bling* Another match on Candy Crush while she waited for her son, Kyle, to return from his “Area 51 Raid” whatever that was. Apparently, a ton of people had shown up. There were abandoned vehicles all along her route to get here. She figured that even if it was a debaucherous party in the desert, at least Kyle was making friends. It’d been so difficult for him to make new friends since they moved for her promotion.

Unaware of what was really going on, her focus was on Candy Crush, until an A-10 Warthog came roaring overhead. Well, that was weird, she thought, paying no mind to the very faint sound of “brrrrrrrt”, in the distance. She was going to break her high score. Enthralled in her game, she had no idea how much time had passed until dusk started to make its unmistakable presence known. She looked at her watch. Frustrated, but still slightly happy that Kyle was making friends and having a good time with them. She looked around to make sure she was in the right spot to pick him up. The desert is a very easy place to get lost.

Amidst the heatwaves, she made out figures approaching in the distance. They were frantically running. Some tall, some small, and where…ah there Kyle was! His friends certainly had interesting costumes. Continuously looking back as they ran, Kyle tripped on an old tree root.

Quickly jumping to his feet, Kyle spotted his mothers Toyota in the distance. He pointed for his new friends.

“There! There she is! Keep going!” Shouted an exhausted Kyle. The Monsters had worn off and he was quickly running out of energy. Each step felt like he was pulling his feet from three feet below the desolate ground.

After what seemed like hours, he covered the last 100 yards to his moms SUV. The aliens were waiting for him there. Bent over with his hand on the vehicle, gasping for air, Kyle motioned for everyone to get in with his free hand.

“Get…get *deep breath* get in, we’ve gotta go now! MOM HIT IT,” he said.

The doors weren’t even closed when his mom punched the throttle…

“KYLE WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE!?” Her face in abject shock at the realization that the aliens were in fact aliens and not wearing costumes.

“Mom, I promise, I’ll tell you everything, we’ve just gotta get out of here and ditch this vehicle.”

“What WHY?”

“Well…it turns out, I broke these guys out of a top-secret military facility. And we’re probably wanted fugitives.”

“Geezus FUCK KYLE! I thought this was one of those Hippie Burning Coachella things were you experiment with drugs and chicks that don’t shave!”

Kyle stared at her…not knowing what to say. They drove quietly disappearing over the hills towards the interstate highway…

Know what we're sayin fam?

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