Wow. We thought our lives were pathetic. So much is the literal lust for relevancy that people have devised a new money-making platform. Pay influencers to be your friend. Don’t get us wrong, we’re not going to hate on the hustle, but we are going to fucking laugh. Seriously, how can you not laugh about this type of shit?
Again, we’re not going to necessarily hate on it, but once we explain the premise…you’ll be laughing your genitalia off. Imagine if you will Bob. Bob has made a name for himself as an “influencer” someone who influences the decisions of a targeted audience for sales of a specific good or product. Bob has tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands or millions of followers on any given social media platform. Bob decides that something is cool, and boom, it is therefore cool. That’s an influencer. They produce content on their social media that is considered to be engaging and encouraging for certain buying behaviors. It’s not the textbook definition, but it’ll do.
Bob, finds that people as a general rule can make really dumb decisions based on vanity. Bob knows that some of these poor souls will literally pay a monthly fee for exclusive content and the ability to drop his name. So Bob, cunning as ever, devises a simple business plan.
Alpha Package, cost $5/month: Friending/Following back on social media
Bravo Package, cost $10/month: Everything included in Alpha Package, plus Bob will say your name during a live broadcast on whatever social site they are using
Charlie Package, cost $15/month: Everything from previous packages, plus Bob will send you a birthday card.
If you’re one of those guys/gals that pay for Bob’s services, hey more power to you, maybe it means something to you that we just don’t get. If you’re a “Bob” and you’re making money hand over fist in this enterprise, we’re not even mad, we’d love to be able to charge people to be our friend. We wouldn’t get nearly as many invites to events that we truly don’t want to go to, but have to.