What’s Going To Happen When You Get A Belgian Malinois

Categories: Funny

Yeah, everyone wants the Belgian Malinois or Maligator breed now because it’s been biting the fuck out of terrorists for quite some time and it got made famous for this latest raid. It’s a great dog, I’ve had the joy of getting bit by several different Maligators (via bite suit or sleeve) and they definitely live up to their fucking nicknames of Maligator. They chomp hard. They run fast. Great fucking doggo, truly.

BUUUUT…now that everyone wants one because it’s the cool thing to do just be aware that unless you know what the fuck you’re doing with your Malinois you’re going to be very upset. Malinois are very energetic breeds and they don’t have a proverbial off switch. So what’ll happen when YOU get a Malinois?

Well, first you’re going to be very mad because the dog is going to require all of your attention all of the time for play or exercise or the puppers will destroy your shit. Then you’ll get angry and think “Fuck, this Malinois sucks,” and you’ll give the doggo up to the shelter because you can’t keep up with the pooch literally eating through your doors. Then you’ll get another one thinking “Oh this one will be better,” but instead, you’ll have the same problems because you DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING.

Look, it may not be the case for everyone and we’re speaking in very broad and general terms here regarding people, but Malinois are working dogs for a reason, they have high drive, high intelligence, and high energy. If you’re not familiar with the breed and how to train it and work it properly, you’ll just end up being an ignorant asshole talking shit about a dog that was too smart and too energetic for you.

So I guess, what I’m really trying to say here is…If you know about Malinois and how to train them, can give them a job to do, fucking great. Awesome. Get a Maligator and enjoy life. However, if you’re the kind of person that usually puts your dog in a purse and finds soy protein a choice alternative to animal protein, don’t fucking get a Malinois. All that dog will do is make you look fucking stupid and like an asshole for continually rehoming Malinois’ that you have no idea how to train or handle.

And if you think I’m preaching at you, good, because I am. Doggos are cool and they don’t deserve dipshit ignorant owners.

Know what we're sayin fam?

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

38+

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

124 thoughts on “What’s Going To Happen When You Get A Belgian Malinois

  1. We got one accidently as a rescue puppy. Great, smart dog! We also had another, young, but slightly older dog. These two dogs ran circles around each other all day and took some of the need for attention off of us. In short, having a second playful dog really helps with the Maligator’s love for activity.

    1. Well said. Too many dogs being a fashion and then to pound. Bad owners give dogs a bad name. We are pet less now sadly due to ill health and it’s hard to say no to having another family member but we know we haven’t the energy and time to give.

  2. This is great. We got a 3 month old black lab mix from someone who could not keep him. Well, as time went on the pup behavior was different. He also started to take on a different look in his face and body style. After a DNA test to learn his breed so we could before know how to handle him we discovered he was 85% Belgium Malinois (purebred) and 15% lab and boxer mix. His behavior and mannerism is 95% Malinois and 5% lab (only because he loves the pool). We still have him 3 years later
    He is a great younger brother to our other pup, good watch dog and a big ball of love.
    But a Belgium Malinois is NOT fore everyone.

  3. Damn Skippy. If this isn’t enough warning for your dumb asses – think of them as a loyal Velociraptor with fur. Unless you’re actively hunting terrorists, running a search and rescue crew, or hunting everyday – you’re not a good fit fit this dog.

  4. Exactly! They’re great dogs, but unless you’re willing to spend at least 4-5 hours every day trading and at play-don’t get this breed.

  5. Exactly! They’re great dogs, but unless you’re willing to spend at least 4-5 hours every day training and at play-don’t get this breed.

  6. My father-in-law got two and they did no train what so ever (they know how to sit). The dogs aren’t even one yet and they are mean, violent dogs who will rip a chunk out of any person or pet given the chance, I have a huge bite to prove it. My in-laws should have never gotten them but they wanted the cool army dogs because he is in the army. It’s not a matter of if they’d bite a chunk out of a child but when, they are ticking time bombs and my father-in-law doesn’t see it, and is putting in little effort to fix the problem.

  7. Absolute truth…
    I was tempted, however a fellow NCO got one a while ago.
    While Viper was a great dog and a lot of fun to play with, it is true they are always operating at full, there is no slow and easy pace at all.

    My buddy and his girl were fortunate to have the time and money to invest to train and make Viper a happy member of their family, but he was a most definite full time job.

    I have had GSDs and they also have a demanding training requirement. I feel that GSDs are way easier to work with and get a good introduction to that type of working dog…

  8. I have a Mal. I was told he was a GSD (adopted from AC, he’d been in a quite bottom kennel long enough to have *calluses* on his “elbows” and long enough in AC to be at the top of the list to be put down). Luckily, I did Security when I first got him, so he had a job. The only thing he ever ate was my heirloom dining room table legs. I wouldn’t trade him, but it took me years to figure out he was and what he needed!

  9. I’ve had Mals for 20 years. They used to be good all-around dogs, like a German Shepherd used to be 50 years ago, but they have gotten popular and now are super aggressive. It makes me so sad to see what was a super smart working breed turn into basically a high-strung aggressive dog with no way to physically regulate their own behavior. They are only bred now for extreme sporting or to attack. Part of the blame of the high rate of dogs at shelters goes to breeders who are no longer breeding good all-around dogs, and who are selling dogs to unsuspecting people. Finally, on a personal note, knock off the vegan-bashing. It’s offensive. completely irrelevant and does not give any credence to your argument.

      1. 🙂 Vegetarian here, and it comes in handy since my carnivore Dutchie’s food is a budget buster! Thanks for the article; these high-drive dogs need handlers who are going to devote more time to them than they ever anticipated, I imagine.

    1. Elizabeth, with your experiencecan you recommend a good breeder for Mal’s that does generate well-rounded temperament for their dogs? Are there any still out there? I trained two Dobermans as SAR dogs over 20 years of volunteer service, but am moving away from the breed due to their genetic heart disease issues. Physical issues aside, my Dobe breeder did an amazing job with temperament. High drive, but well socialized. I’ve retired from SAR, but still want to train a motivated, “balanced” dog when my current Dobe passes. Any suggestions?

      1. Facebook Malinois Ranch Rescue. Julie will pair you up with a Mal that fits your needs. Not all of them are high-drive. She knows her stuff and won’t pair up a mismatch that ultimately just hurts the dog.

        1. I second the Malinois Ranch Rescue. We adopted ours from there a couple years ago. The first dog they tried to match us up with bit my husband twice. I would have been terrified driving 4 hours home with him in the back seat. The second one CHOSE us. He’s been a great fit for my husband and I, but anytime we have visitors with children, he goes in his crate. He does NOT like children. So if you get a chance to visit — do so. One might pick you like ours did.

  10. Thanks for saying it out loud.
    Most folks cannot stay off of their phone long enough to do what it takes for these magnificent creatures.
    Never had a Malinois, I do rescues only here and most have been the German Shepherd, Pitt mixes and GSD mixes. High energy, super smart.
    All dogs require attention, training and devotion, and some like the Malinois require a little more than that.

  11. Amen. Just said the exact same thing on a post 2 days ago. 😂😂 Good luck with them assholes. I train or rescue GSDS. Which are a lot like the Mals but no way in hell would I own nor foster one. I have helped a few be pulled from Shelters but that’s as far as it got. Yes, I have a friend who rescues them. She is amazing. Mals are NOT a family pet. They need a job. So unless you work at home on your own time, have nothing but time for him/her, you do NOT need one. Period.

  12. I have one and he’s amazing! However, I’m about to block you from my Facebook. Why couldn’t you say what you said without dropping an f-bomb every other word. It’s ridiculous!!! Can’t share your post with anyone.

  13. I will be the first to admit, I made a lot of mistakes with my boy. But I don’t blame any of them on him. I failed my dog. I thought, “What the hell am I doing? This dog is too much dog for me.” I’m not gonna lie I thought of rehoming him. I just couldn’t do it. I have fallen in love with my boy. I looked for a trainer in my area. By the way there is none. So I went to a “Normal” dog trainer. Come to find out she had had some experience with mals. She helped fix me and what I was doing wrong. Things are sooooo much better. I do believe I got a fluke of a mal. He’s going on three and he’s not destructive at all. I have absolutely no worries with him being in the house alone. We do lots of stuff, horseback riding, farm work, and hunt together. I don’t blame my dogs breeder on anything. He asked all the correct questions, grilled me to a T. He’s seen how much me and my dog has grown together. He entrusted his female he recently retired to my daughter. And she just awesome, too. I can’t imagine ever having another breed. I never knew this breed existed till a few years ago when I was researching for a breed that can keep up with my family and me. Love mals forever!!

  14. I really hate when a breed gets some notoriety and stupid people start snatching them up cause it’s cool.
    For the TRUE BREEDERS and LOVERS of dogs please be careful and responsible in your homing of the dogs that depend on you.

  15. Love mine and agree with everything you said. Be warned and don’t go get a dog you aren’t capable of owning, know your limits!

  16. Fabulous dogs if the holey clothing look with bandaids is your look!

    Love the breed 💕 I’ve owned and/or trained hundreds of them over the years for departments and agencies as working dogs. Very few make good true family dogs because they are maligators! Even people who actually know what they are doing have found themselves in over their heads with the drive and energy lol.

  17. Good thoughts. I am not a prude but I wish it didnt have the language so I could post it on my timeline. I rescued a military bred half GSD half Mal three years ago thinking it was like a GSD, which I had owned all my life, one or two after the next. He had overwhelmed and nipped his owner to the point he was locked up 23/7. WOWZA was I in for a surprise. I have to exercise him EVERY DAy and HARD at 3 years old. I know many FULL mal owners that have it harder. He has an off switch, its just hard to find..

  18. Spoken from a true maligator owner/ambassador for the breed.
    Ash,if there’s one thing I know,you are the go to person about this and any breed. But,mainly Maligators and German Shepherds. Love this article,kiddo.

  19. Definitely a great dog if you know how to train and socialize them and can give them the training and exercise needed.

  20. We have 2 6mos old maliifgator maliraptor pups and they are a lot of work patience and love. We knew what we were getting into and we’re up for it. It’s not for the faint on heart that’s for sure. We thought having raised 2 pittues for 13yrs had prepared us, but it’s a whole new world. Luckily we have ex-military and ex-LEO at home!

  21. first time mal owner after having obedience toy dogs for 20 years. best freaked dog in the world, but… i train 5 days a week in classes. i herd, track, do obedience (started when i got her at 7 weeks) and make sure she is worked in some fashion every day. my dogs are my jobs as i am retired. she goes 90% of anyplace i go, because mostly i am going to train. she is a laid back malinois.. if i had a high energy one, i would have to do even more. they are great dogs, but you better make sure you have plenty of time and knowledge, or every one involved will be sorry.

  22. They will come up the leash, they will go from calm to 200% in about 20 seconds. They react and not always predictable.
    Yes smart and maybe higher on the food chain, but how can’t you love such an intelligent dog.
    But bottom line, don’t buy a fur baby and be for mommy. Don’t dress up in costume.
    You can never give them enough exercise or enough challenges to keep their mind working.. But they are worth every second of the day

  23. As a former MP K9 handler, i couldn’t agree more. I love Mal’s but knowing what it takes to care for one properly I don’t think I could own one that wasn’t going to work with me every day. I know my family would not be able to give the attention they need

  24. I hope the breeders smarten up and charge 10K per dog!! And fix them so they cannot easily find them for breeding.
    Sad that people will exploit these animals for a fast buck.

  25. Love the Malies, and would only get one that is fully trained and ready to “retire”. Hard workers, hate to be cooped up. We get them and sheps at the kennel occasionally. I hate when someone boards them for 7-14 days straight. Dog will drive you damn crazy with the constant “let me out” bark!

  26. Love how you put it to everyone! I couldn’t agree more! People in general go with a fad like they did with Dalmatians and the dogs all ended up in the pound. Look what they are doing now with the Pitt bulls. The pound is filled with them and these poor dogs are being killed by the county every dam day.

  27. Had a couple of them while in the Corps they are great dogs and as said very smart and energy through the roof. If your not going to exercise then as they need DON’T GET ONE.

  28. Awesome and honest. Beautiful animals would love a big dog again. But with my health and limitations all I could give is love and a short walk. More people should be honest about their limitations or busy lives that can’t be given to these beautiful dogs.

  29. Had an idiot look at my well-bred WORKING GSD and say “I used to have a dog like that”. I told him: “you WISHED you had a dog like that.” Well trained working dogs are well-trained. Not just “any idiot” can own one.

  30. I don’t have a Malinois but do have 3 German shepherds and did a lot of research before getting my first which was when I started working from home and was able too give him the attention and exercise he needed.We then rescued a female at about 1 year when my male was 18 months then we rescued a second female who was around a year.Now my day consists of 5:30 am first trip outside for morning pee break and play time then back in relax before eating then more relax before going back out for exercise and training now this is daily and I do it 6-8 a day oh and they are brushed daily also and get pool time.Never ever has either of them destroyed anything other than one of there own toys.I love my life with them and would not change a thing,In fact if we are planning a trip and they can’t go well neither do we.just saying DO YOUR RESEARCH IF YOU DONT LIKE HAIR ALL OVER YOUR HOUSE. DONT GET ONE OR IF YOUR PLANNING TO LEAVE OUTSIDE DONT.

  31. You forgot the part where the idiot trains it to be a biting machine, people get hurt, dog gets dead and society gets breed ban because we decide we really do not need this breed.
    Once again making laws for the stupid.

    Now that really is sad

  32. Absolutely correct, I admire the breed as well as the German Shepard. If I was 30 years younger I would enjoy a Maligator, but for now a Lab. Is good.

  33. I have 4, my 13 year old is still crazy. Definitely not a breed for the novice owner. Don’t get one unless you have the time and energy to put into one. It takes years to get a dog like the ones you see in the movies or military working dogs.

  34. I’ve been a trainer for over 30 years and great article here and very straight to the point, my Belgian malinois must be worked daily he is like Velcro to me I got really sick and couldn’t get out of bed for a week my hired hand would play with him but he was not getting his regular training and when I finally got out of bed and went to work him he was CRAZY wild pup demanding attention whining jumping and tried nipping my grand daughter which he’s never offered to nip anybody. These dogs require so much and he now back to his obedient self but I have gotten his activity and training back on schedule unless you know what your doing and have time and money to properly care for THEN DO NOT GET ONE , they are strictly working dogs not house pets

  35. Excellent article and written so maybe the jerks will understand ….prob not but a good effort . Only a person with confidence and strong personality should own a Shepard … Most of them are smarter than their owners. And the dog knows it

  36. Damn Straight! I have 2 of them. No off switch, so don’t look for one. Let them wear each other out, lol. A handful is an understatement. Not for just anyone. Period. This is a breed that shouldn’t be encouraged on people just looking for ‘a family pet’.

  37. We met the breeder for australian army MWDs at a dog show where we were showing our working dogs too. They have two 14 foot fences and the dogs STILL get out. These fur missiles are not for Joe Schmo and are not sold to general public by breeders. Training one of these dogs is a full time job. If you want one it’s MOS is 31K!

    1. FACT. Thanks for putting this out. I have two that I work with all the time AS WELL AS send out to our trainers for more work. Both are personal protection mals. People comment on how well behaved they are and say, maybe we should get one. I usually say no.

  38. Love the post, and very true. I don’t have a Mal. But I do run LGD’s Rott’s and a Kangal. If you don’t know about working or LGD your just flat fucked and perfectly good dog will be the victim for your stupidity.

  39. Absolutely perfect!! Too many people get dogs they can’t handle cause they thought a dog breed was cool.
    I’m the happy owner of two working line land sharks!

  40. Well said. I’m from the uk and have a Staffie, same rules apply (admittedly in a smaller version that definitely has an off switch). Too many people have got one but don’t know how to train them and enable the dog to be itself within a set of rules they have to abide by. I’d love to get a Malinois, but I definitely do not have the time because of work. Luckily I get to meet them every now and again at work with their owners so I’m lucky that way!👍🏻👍🏻

  41. Yep. We have one from our son who got our Malligator while in the service. He is a wonderful creature but he’s a thoroughbred and we are Tony the Pony parents. He’s amazingly bright and learns quickly but unless you have someone in the home with one, are willing to take it on runs and active play, DON’T GET THIS DOG.

  42. Thank you so much for taking the time to caution people against taking on more dog than they can handle. Another issue is the time and effort it takes for the second owner to undo the damage the dumbtard first owner does. My current rescue was so convinced that humans would hurt him, that he would bite and snap in self defense for perceived threats, putting him at risk of being put down because someone didn’t know how to train a dog AND keep his trust. (Spoiler alert: beating a dog because he doesn’t want to obey you isn’t”training”). It’s been well worth the effort, but I still want to go find that owner and dish out some “lessons” every time I find new evidence of poor training and mistreatment.

  43. My 18 year old daughter found a 10 month old stray. She has taken her to formal training 3 times a week for a year now. And does personal training every day she isn’t at the professionals. She sleeps with her and is with her constantly. She has trained her to pull her on her skates and skateboard. The few times when she can’t be with her (college classes) she is with me or my wife. Amazing dog. Simply incredible. But wow. So much work. It is worth it but you have to put in the time and effort.

  44. This is true about many breeds, really (requiring more than the human expected and being dumped at a shelter). I love and appreciate your raw honesty. Sadly, this probably will not reach those who should really read it.

  45. I’m seeing lots of comments on how the Maligators are agressive. I own one myself with a 4 year old Rottie and 2 small children ages 2 and 4. My Mali is as sweet as sugar and would rot the teeth right out of your head. She absolutely loves my children and would die protecting them.Yes they are high energy. Yes they do require alot of training. But they are also very loyal, loving, devoted dogs. With proper training They can be controlled ( or taught to calm down but this also comes with proper enrichment and exercise ). Its upsetting to think such a beautiful breed of dog with such a valiant heart is being exploited.

  46. FACT. Thanks for putting this out. I have two that I work with all the time AS WELL AS send out to our trainers for more work. Both are personal protection mals. People comment on how well behaved they are and say, maybe we should get one. I usually say no.

  47. Rescued one as a puppy from the shelter 6-7 years ago. Was listed as a German Shepherd mix, looked more like a Dingo. He had been re-homed a few times and was actually about to be put to sleep. Had gone to the shelter to donate some leftover cat stuff from a cat we wound up not getting (it passed due to kidney failure), I met that sweet fellow and wound up coming home with him. What people don’t say about Mallies, is that they are incredibly sensitive dogs. You can look at them wrong, and they will take it to heart!

  48. I’ve owned several working GSD’s and Malinois. A while back I had a pair of males at the same time. I wish people here would stop comparing the two. Both are awesome but not if the same mold by any stretch. My 5 year old could walk either of these highly trained beasts and a stranger would have to kill the dog to get close to the kid, but the GSD would go in and take a nap and the MAL would run for 3 more hours!
    The GSD would jump the fence, the MAL would get to the top and balance itself and look back at me just to show that he could. I swear if I told him to, he would run through the fence without missing a step. A GSD is not for everyone but it’s like comparing a dolphin to a great white shark. You gotta know your shit and be an alpha MF yourself if you even think about having a MAL as a pet.
    You like high energy, smart, super focused dog that you can handle as a pet… maybe a border collie is for you!

  49. I was a K9 handler at a large municipality (120000). My partner was a GSD. He died a few years after retirement. I have recently taken in a Belgian/Mexican Malinois. In the house he is chill outside full of piss and vinegar. He can not get close enough to me. Very loyal dog. I have the best of both worlds. And yes you need to exercise them with more than just a walk on a leash. You have to train them and stay on it. Theyvare not happy if there are not kept busy. His name is Max(im) after Hiram Maxim.

  50. Read the first couple of sentences and had to stop because of the filthy language. But you probably don’t care if anyone reads your stuff.

  51. Read the first couple of sentences and had to stop because of the filthy language. But you probably don’t care if anyone reads your stuff.

  52. I have a 10 mo old Belgian malinois and he is amazing so smart and energetic, we start our day with training about 30 min. Then we end it with the treadmill which he loves. After we go to the backyard and play fetch which gets him tried. But not for long he is up and ready for more. Next it is a walk. Then my husband gets home and players frisbee with him. But there is time when he is by himself and he has never destroyed anything. So if you decide to get this breed my suggestions are get a trainer. A lot of play time. And it will be a match made in heaven.

  53. I have a Maligator. Do not get one if you dont know what the fuck your doing! All you civilians see movies and assume you know your head from your ass and you dont. Let the professionals take them. My Mal has no off switch she bounces off the damn walls but I know what I am doing. Please do not get a Mal if you have never had one prior or known somebody who has who can help you train them. I have trained mine from day one and continue to do so every day. These dogs are nothing like a normal Shepherd. They are another breed by far. If you want a similar dog get a German Shepherd. Do not make this breed suffer due to your stupidity. American Grit you definitely said it way better than I could. Thank you all.

  54. Target/Target! This dog is somewhat brighter than most people and that cranked up hyperdrive that without a proper outlet they will put you through your paces and/or eat your shit. Like you said they are working dogs, you want a yuppy puppy or lapdog look elsewhere.

  55. I guess mine is broken cause she is the complete opposite and extremely shy but then again I think I have a broken American Staffordshire Bullie aka pit bull because she is just ridiculously to kind and friendly (insert sarcasm). Sarcasm meaning there not broken but definitely different from all stereotypes because my 2 ladies are nothing but pure sugar. Best dogs I have ever owned.

  56. Excellent! Thank you for the words that directly hit the point…I have a malinois – my first malinois but it is my 5th working dog…just when you know what to do with this breed than you can enjoy the incredible

  57. U r correct. Working breeds are breed for a purpose. This breed is not for a family pet.Knowledge is needed with a lot of exercise and training.

  58. Totally spot on.
    I’ve owned and raised German Shepherds for over 40 years. A bit stubborn, but I can handle it.
    Then I got Zeena. Thinking she was another GSD, I set off on the usual path. After a few frustrating weeks, I was totally bewildered. This pup did not listen well, never slowed down and took forever to train. But I didn’t give up on this little powerhouse. At that time I KNEW in my heart that she was not a true German Shepherd and had her tested. Yep…over 80% malinois.
    I’ve worked with German Shepherds for years and this dog was going to be the death of me. I plodded through and she was a well loved family member til she died, but I said to myself…nope! no malies for me. Too much dog for my liking.
    Great dogs for sure, but NOT for everyone!

  59. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Perhaps there other fine breeds that this can be applied too also, this certainly needed to be said. Maybe those folks that need to read it can’t or won’t?

  60. The Belgian Malinois is a bad match for most people. I have a Boston Terrier. I recently lost one, also. I know the breed very well. But, they aren’t for everyone. Every breed has downfalls, some more than others. And people need to know what they’re getting before they get it, especially with a living breathing creature.

  61. I worked K9 with Jean Michelle Moreau the man responsible for introducing this breed to the US. They were initially used in Ring Sport. They easily adapted to police work. I was in K 9 for my career in the USAF. We started getting them in the mid 80’s. Most handlers had never seen one back then. They sure were different than Shepards. 3x the work going in for 10x the results! You wanted a fur missle as a handler!

  62. I love my Malanois!! She’s a handful but I love that about her. Her curiosity and problem solving is amazing. I would never give up my fur rocket 🚀

  63. Excellent, honest and true to point article. Anyone looking to own a Malinois should be made to read and understand this article. This same human/Canine partnership also applies to many purebred Canine species. Its unfortunate and negligent how many illiterate people “want” a specific species of Canine just because they think they’re cool because they saw one on TV. Then run out with their “it’s just a dumb dog mentality” and buy one never understanding how intelligent and energetic that Canine actually is. It truly is and should be criminal abuse.

  64. Amen! I’m in a sar group and would eventually love to get one! I highly recommend research on any breed before bringing him/her home! I’m learning all I can so when I do get one I’m prepare to make both of us successful!

  65. I worked two police K9’s for over 20 years, both German Sheps. Never once did I ever want to work a Mal, watched them work hundreds of times….. way too much dog for me and for you as well.

  66. Luv it!!! Thsnks.
    We do search and rescue, wanted a malligator was talked out of it, hell I have German Shepard Luv it by the way!!! Hard to keep up with him!!!

  67. We need more people to think like this dogs aren’t toys or games no reset or off button like you said they need their time too like anything else you get back what you put into it… all my dogs I’ve had over time we’re like family lots of time spent and they’ve always listened when given a command