Bring Back LINE Training

Categories: Funny, Military

As always with a new Commandant, the Marine Corps has the opportunity to shift focus, to adapt their fighting to the next conflict or even the conflict after that one. We have a suggestion. Bring back LINE(Linear Involuntary Neurological override Engagement) training. Why? The world is an ever-changing and evolving chaotic place and nothing, and we do mean nothing else at all ever, grounds you like stomping the skull of your enemy.

The current iteration of unarmed combat that the Marine Corps teaches, MCMAP (Marine Corps Martial Arts Program), doesn’t really have the same “killer” vibe that you get from LINE training despite some similar techniques. Every every wimpy little strike you go back to your basic warrior stance. Say that shit out loud and you’ll probably do the same eye-roll that thousands of Marines have done anytime they do MCMAP training.

However…LINE training always ends with a boot to the skull. MCMAP says, “We’re here to keep the peace,” LINE training says “We’re here to defile your civilization so that you never fuck with us again.”

Conan the Barbarian was once asked what was best in life, and he answered, “Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women!”

See, the first thing he mentions is crushing your enemies, which in our interpretation means that there is definitely a skull stomp involved. We also think he means that their skulls are driven into the ground before you and that the site is so hideous, that there are lamentations of the women who loved said enemy. Anyways, enough on Conan, getting back to the guts of the story.

MCMAP is well…pointless seems like too soft of a word, but we’ll go with that. Pointless, really, but LINE Training, man that shit was dope, that automatic response to just break some fuckheads arm, circa Nicholas Cage in “Con Air”. We know he was an Army Ranger and all, but that’s basically what LINE training got you. That shit is the Rice Krispies of the martial arts world, cause it’ll make you snap, crackle and pop a mothafucka like the milk drinker he is.

What the world needs now is not love, sweet, love. It’s gratuitous violence towards tyrants, and that is something that MCMAP just won’t offer.

Know what we're sayin fam?

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

0

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

6 thoughts on “Bring Back LINE Training

  1. Except LINE was a steaming pile of Donvito bullshit that was proven to be useless against both MACP and MCMAP. If you don’t like the training methodology, change that. But don’t switch to a lousy system that we tested and abandoned over a decade ago.

    1. Hey man, totally get where you’re coming from, but also, if you read up at the top of the page, where the categories are, this shit was written as a joke. It’s meant to be humorous for one sole reason and one sole reason alone, the skull stomp.

  2. Genghis Khan said it before Conan. “The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy and drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes and to gather to your bosom his wives and daughters!” Yeah he said bosom!
    Airborne All The Way!