Iranian Protests Squashed?

Tehran, Iran, it seems at least, well…it’s laughable to believe this, but we’ll go ahead and say what’s being reported. The protests in Iran have been squashed. The protests which started due to a 300% spike in fuel prices went on for roughly six days before the Iranian government felt they’d…gain control of the populace once again. President Rouhani of Iran is basically over here sayin’

“Yeah dudes, we totally kicked those protestors asses, high fives all around guys. Really just swell job all around oppressing our people. Fuck them amirite?”- President Rouhani (probably)

However, hehe there’s always that pesky however getting in the way, right? The internet in Iran is still shut off, which could mean a few things or just plainly nothing at all. The best guesses we have are that the protests were totally and definitely squashed, and were done so in such a fashion that if word left Iran about what happened, the international community would suddenly turn into war-hawks. That seems…probable, but highly unlikely.

It could also mean that the protests have grown out of control and as a last-ditch effort to quell the protestors and to maintain the guise of control, the Iranian government has kept the internet off. Again probable, but highly unlikely. We’re not entirely sure the country of Iran on the same level of disgruntled as Hong Kong, but it’s not entirely out of the realm of possibilities.

Lastly, it could mean absolutely nothing. Look, we all know what kind of dickheads are running Iran. Extremist clerics who sponsor state terrorism. Is shutting off the internet really out of the ordinary for a strict group is extremist clerics? No. It’s not.

Truthfully, the internet still being out in Iran probably means jack and shit, but we’re totally going to take credit for the first two scenarios if either of them happens.

 

Know what we're sayin fam?

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