Wise money: The best investments to make while active duty

Categories: Definitely Fiction, Funny, Satire

Whether it be an enlistment bonus or the money you saved during Boot Camp, it is never a bad time to invest your hard earned cash. Today we will discuss a few of the most prudent options to safeguard your money for the long term.

Vehicles

Plain and simple, you need a car to pick up all the hotties you’re going to pull with your brand new uniform. You might as well make a long-term investment now. Muscle cars are flashy, however a six-cylinder or even a four-cylinder option on your mustang will save you gas money that you can then spend on more dates. A high interest rate may not seem like a good idea, but when you go to buy a home later they will see how you paid all that money back for the car, and offer you easily $200,000 more than you asked for. Why spend all that money on something brand new though? Look for something with multiple owners, that possibly was even a rental car so you know it’s fun to drive. A large pick up truck will also do the trick, don’t worry about never having anything to tow, plus there’s plenty of gas in the earth.

Knives

Don’t sleep on these babies, when the government grabs everyone’s guns you’ll be thankful you have them. You buy a pocket knife now for $50 then you can resell it easily for $1000. Cold hard steel will be worth a lot of cold hard cash when that happens. Besides, you need something to practice your hand-to-hand skills with. Also, in survival situations it will dazzle your enemies and they will immediately be impressed with your taste in fine weapons.

Jewelry

Let’s face it, the cost of diamonds has gone up like a million percent in the last 300 years. If that trend continues, you could be sitting on a literal fortune. Close your eyes and think about the first person that comes to mind. (If you followed directions properly, you’re probably not reading this because your eyes are closed…) For the rest of you, it may be someone you know back home or that you met in your military service. That person deserves a fancy watch, or maybe a nice engagement ring!? You know what they say… The bigger the diamond, the longer the marriage lasts.

 

Honorable mention: tattoos

Few things are as permanent an investment as tattoos. If you can’t decide, go into the tattoo shop closest to your base and tell the artist to decide for you. They are the professionals, right? They will know what’s best. Some popular options are getting your rank tattooed on your arm, or your branch of service across your chest before you leave for boot camp.  That way the Drill Sergeants know you are really committed.

Hopefully you make some good decisions to invest LOTS of money in the items above.  Leave a comment if you think something should be added to the list!

Know what we're sayin fam?

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